If I healed

People say, the night you almost die becomes the night that changes your life. I wish they specified how.
My night did change my life, by exposing everything that was already rotting within me ,and forcing me to look at them and live through them.
I remember wanting to disappear so completely,the first day I sat opposite my therapist,Jake, forced to find healing. I wanted the beauty of oblivion and non-existence, I wanted the quietness of a graveyard. But he gave me a reason to stay alive except I owed karma.
My name is, Tara. I wonder why would happen if I actually healed?