Socrates' Gone Ape

King Archidamus of Athens had a simple problem:Socrates was too logical, too loud, and too annoying. His solution was even simpler: a diseased monkey, delivered as a gift. A flawless plan.

It was, the Narrator would later note, the single worst idea since the Trojan Horse.

Now, Socrates is no longer a philosopher. He's a projectile of muscle in a loincloth, "solving" civic disputes by throwing people into rivers and inventing a new martial art called the Dialectic Fist. His new girlfriend is a conflicted assassin, his pet is the hyper-intelligent simian emperor leading an army against Greece, and his only hope for saving civilization is a vat of wine stomped by the feet of a thousand unwashed citizens.

Logic is overrated. Sometimes, you just have to go ape.

(A tale of philosophy, kickboxing, and very poor life choices, told by a Narrator who is deeply disappointed in everyone.)