Everything In Between (On-going)

"does It bother you?" I asked.

She didn't answer right away. And that was answer enough.

"I don't get why you're asking," I said, heat creeping into my voice, "you don't get to-"

"I was just wondering" she said immediately, "if there was... Something."

I laughed sarcastically.

"why?" I asked. "so you can decide how to feel about it?"

Celeste straightened. "that's not fair."

"neither is this," I said. "you can't just walk back into my life and-"

"I didn't walk back in," she said, "work did.

"yet you stayed," I shot back.

Silence fell between us. My chest tight, and my hands rolled into a fist before I realized it.

"I can't be with you." I said, suddenly.

Celeste froze.

The words lodged in my throat, it felt suffocating, but I forced them out anyways.

"I can't be with you." I repeated. My voice breaking. "because I'm always a mess when I'm with you."

My vision blurred, I wiped my face angrily hating myself for crying when I don't really feel like crying.

"I don't know why, but I'm always a mess when I'm with you, and I hate it. I hate that I lose control. I hate that I feel too much."

Celeste didn't move, nor did she interrupt.

So I kept going.

"it's like... Every part of me that I hide from the world just- shows. The insecure parts. The desperate parts. The crazy and unpredictable parts. The parts that I worked so hard to bury." my chest felt compressed and heavy. "no matter how hard I try to be composed, to be better. To be normal- I always fall apart with you."

I laughed sarcastically, "and I hate that version of me..."

"Solene," she said softly.

"I loved that messy part of you." she said. "that's why I fell inlove with you back then. And that's why I-"

She held back, her hands now curling into fists.

"that's what makes you special. That vulnerability. That honesty. It makes you... You."

"you don't understand". I protested.

"I do. I do because, when you're with me, you're real. And I never wanted you to be anything else."