Guilty As Sin

"I'm sorry okay?! I tried avoiding you, I tried ignoring this stupid feelings but I just couldn't! "
I couldn't even look at him in the eye while I felt my eyes sting. All the things I'm feeling for the last 8 years, I could no longer contain it. I just feel so vulnerable right now and I just want to let it all out.

"You probably felt betrayed, or even dusgusted but hell! I don't care anymore! You want me to be honest right?!"
My voice cracked as I gasped for air.

"Yes! I like you more than just a friend! Yes! I like you.. Even worst, I love you! and I continued to love you even when you only see me as a friend. So please stop coming to me! leave me be! Want to get rid of this stupid feelings! I'm tired of always waiting, I feel bad that I'm happy when your relationship with other women goes wrong and I am disgusted for feeling that way! "

When I finally mustered the courage to look at him. Our eyes met. I gulped at the intensity of that mere action, and I thought to myself...

"Yes, this is exactly the reason why I need to distance myseld from him"

I tried looking away as I wiped my tears. I probably look pitiful right now. I decided to walk away but as I turned my back on him. His deep voice echoed in my ear.

"Are you going to run away again?"

I stopped and let out a sigh.

"It it meant to protect myself from you, then yes. I'm sorry. This is probably the last time we'll se each other again. But don't forget to send me an invitation when you get married" I turned around to look at him and forced a smile. "Afterall, we've been friends for 8 long years" My heart ached with the thought of him marrying someone.

"I don't plan on settling down" he responded in a low voice as he walked slowly to me as I unconsciously stepped backward. But he grabbed my wrist tightly.
"Unless it's you who I'm marrying"