Pulse Of Solitude
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- Parts 19
Ongoing1h 1m
Last published Fri, May 1, 2026
Minsan napapaisip ako kung kailan ba nagsimula 'to.
Yung pakiramdam na parang ang aga-aga kong tumanda.
Hindi pa naman ako nagtatrabaho nang full-time. Estudyante pa lang ako. Pero bakit parang lagi akong pagod?
Pagod mag-budget ng allowance.
Pagod mag-compute kung kasya pa ba hanggang next week.
Pagod magpanggap sa bahay na okay lang lahat para hindi sila mag-alala.
Bilang panganay, parang automatic may nakaatang na sa'yo kahit walang nagsasabi.
Ikaw yung "Alam kong kaya mo 'yan."
Ikaw yung "Ikaw na bahala."
Ikaw yung "Ikaw na muna mag-adjust."
Hindi dahil pinilit ka.
Kundi dahil wala namang ibang gagawa.
Kaya nasanay ako.
Nasanay na unahin sila bago sarili ko.
Nasanay na maging malakas kahit hindi naman talaga.
Nasanay na hindi magsabi kapag nahihirapan.
Minsan tuloy, pakiramdam ko invisible ako.
Parang kailangan may maibigay muna ako bago ako mapansin.
Grades‚ tulong‚ effort‚ time.
Kapag may ambag ka, may halaga ka.
Kapag pagod ka, tahimik ka lang dapat.
Ganoon yata kapag panganay.
Kaya siguro nung may isang taong tumingin sa'kin na parang... ako lang talaga‚ hindi obligasyon, hindi investment, hindi tagasalo ng problema‚
nanibago ako.
Hindi niya ako tinanong kung anong kaya kong ibigay.
Hindi niya ako kinausap dahil may kailangan siya.
Nakinig lang siya.
Tahimik‚ totoo.
At ewan ko‚
Sa dami ng taong dumaan sa buhay ko, siya lang yung hindi ako pinabigat.
Hindi ko kailangan maging malakas.
Hindi ko kailangan maging impressive.
Pwede lang ako mapagod.
Pwede lang ako maging ako.
At doon ako mas natakot.
Kasi paano kung masanay ako?
Paano kung hanapin ko na 'yon palagi?
Paano kung siya lang pala yung pahinga ko sa mundong hindi naman talaga tumitigil para sa'kin?
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