Hear Your God Speaking
  • Reads 769
  • Votes 54
  • Parts 12
  • Time 1h 21m
  • Reads 769
  • Votes 54
  • Parts 12
  • Time 1h 21m
Ongoing, First published May 25, 2015
I'm sick and just a puff and a sniff can't make me feel much worse than this
Up and high in the brain I go, What's your name? I don't know
Living like this is all to life, why am I here?
Feeling like segregation wasn't only part of the past
I feel I'm segregated with the rest of the world, I feel like I'm hated
I lost all trust, vulnerability, worth, and my virginity 
Shut up mom, God has no plan for me
I see it in my life, and hate to go to sleep
It's in my dreams, what goes up and what goes down, haunting me
It swooped in like a thief shutting the lights off, silencing my screams
Darkness is even in the tall walls I've built all around me
There it is, and that's all to it
A screwed up world and if Jesus was good and just a human
We killed him and told him there was no place here for him. 

*****************
A/N: 
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This is my truth

72 parts Ongoing

My life has been an intense journey from a little girl who was beaten down and abused into believing that she was worthless, to a woman at 43 years of age who is still desperately searching for who she truly is. I found her though. I did. And she writes like me, from inside of me. She is me. This girl that I've been in love with since time first existed, is indeed me. The way that she walks. With her hands... and how she talks? The hearts that she's captured, the souls that she has inspired. I'm now trying to be her. I've never felt that I was good enough to actually be myself!!! I always knew how pure and clear and free I was inside. But people told me otherwise, in a very cruel way. No one ever spared my feelings or thought to speak to me with kindness or love. My parents were very serious and strict people. They believed that there was only 1 way to act and inside I knew that I did NOT fit in the parameters of the behavior expected of me. And every single time I made my Step Daddy sigh or frown it felt like I knife in my heart. I was a let down. Always too loud. Always moving too much. Always too fat and always too ugly. Always too much. Unless I sat quietly. But I've always been a firecracker and all of that containment really made me want to blow off! All of what was inside of me, swirling and dividing in me. Burying the side of me that I loved the most! I was a bastard and a blasphemy. Harsh words for a girl of 3. They said them when they baptized me.