The Lobotomy Files

they keep telling me to "do the work."
as if my life is a shift i can just clock out of, as if i haven't spent years becoming an architect of my own silence. I'm good at it locking things in cages, burying them under floorboards, pretending the house isn't haunted.
but the vault is screaming.
this is 40 chapters of the stuff i can't say in the therapist's chair. It's about the ptsd of a system that failed me as a child just to hunt me as a mother, it's about the "bad luck" that feels like a curse, the dizzy spells the doctors call "just anxiety," and the terrifying speed of a car driven by a man who loves control more than life.
It's the honest to god wish that i could just reach in and cut out the parts of my brain that remember.
no flowers, no "healing" journey. just the wire-cutting.
Author's Note & Content Warning
look, i'm not here to tell you it gets better. i'm here because i'm tired of pretending it's not heavy, i'm the girl who's "fine" until the lights go out.

this book is a raw look at my own nervous system. it deals with themes that might be hard to read:
• system trauma
• domestic abuse & controlling relationships
• chronic illness & medical gaslighting
• intergenerational trauma
if you've ever wanted to delete your own memory just to get five minutes of peace, this is for you, mind the glass.