Games, Instinct, and Morality

For most of my life, I believed something was wrong with me.

I was too blunt. Too quiet. Too uninterested in the social rituals everyone else called "polite." The things that felt natural to me-honesty, introspection, following instinct-were treated as flaws that needed correcting. And the thing I loved most, video games, was dismissed as childish or meaningless.

So for years, I internalized a simple idea: maybe I was the problem.

But stories have a strange way of reflecting truths we struggle to see in ourselves.

Through games like *Persona 3*, *Metal Gear Solid V*, and *Metal Gear Rising*, I found characters wrestling with identity, morality, and the blurry line between good and evil. Their struggles mirrored my own questions: What does it really mean to be evil? Are morality and "rightness" simply rules society creates? And what happens when your instincts don't align with those rules?

This essay is a reflection on growing up undiagnosed autistic, being judged for the way I think and communicate, and finding meaning in stories that many people dismissed.

Because sometimes the things people tell you are wrong about you... are actually the things that help you understand the world the most.