Lost Center

Lost Center

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Thu, May 28, 2015
The sky is awake. The sun has risen. The birds always flutter to the west. But this day, something's new. I might not anymore see this sky again when I'm finally there. Even the sun. Also these black birds swaying in the air since I was four. I always call the Center Camp 'there,' because it seems to me like going to the biggest slaughterhouse you don't know where. I don't know where 'there' is. But in 'there,' I know it will never be easy. It will never be good. It will never be clean. There is a place where everyone I know whose hands are clean will somehow be smeared with blood. There is a place where I will face my deepest fear: to kill.
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In my nightmares I am trapped on a mental ward. I can't move my hands without feeling the restriction of the straps. My head is as clear, no trace of the "madness." I strain against the black polyester with every ounce of strength and still I can't budge. My back hurts right to the base of my spine. Saliva is pooling in the back of my mouth. The staff have gone. I am alone. My heart pounds, ready to explode; my eyes scan left and right for signs of someone coming to help. No-one. Worn green curtains hang limp on flaking chrome rings and though the gap passers by pay me no attention at all.

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