Endorphins Written in Silence

I didn't choose to carry this much responsibility so early. Pero habang yung iba kong ka-edad nag-iisip pa lang kung anong gusto nilang gawin sa buhay nila, ako matagal nang nag-iisip kung paano ko aalagaan nang mabuti ang mga kapatid ko. Natutunan kong umakto na ayos lang ako, kahit hindi. Kung paano ngumiti kahit hindi naman talaga ako masaya. Kung paano pigilan ang luha para walang mag-alala.
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‎I learned how to balance school, expectations, and responsibilities without anyone noticing how heavy it all really felt. Kasi kapag walang gagawa, sino pa? It's not that I'm always strong. It's not that I'm always okay. Maraming beses na gusto kong sumigaw, mabasag, at sabihing pagod na akong akuin lahat. Pero nasanay na lang akong maka-survive nang tahimik. And only now do I realize that there's a name for that quiet survival.

‎Endorphins.
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‎Not happiness. Not a solution. But something that keeps you going when life is heavy, when pain is constant, when nobody else notices. Bagay na pinapanatili pa ring posible na magising, makahinga, at dumaloy even when your world feels like it's collapsing. At baka, sa gitna ng lahat ng bagay na pinagdaanan at sakripisyong ginawa ko without a word, there's someone who doesn't fix my life--but makes it easier to breathe through it. Baka may tao talagang hindi ka sinagip ng may halong salita o kahit galaw. Maybe some people just become endorphins in your life. Quiet. Invisible. Unnoticed. But enough to keep you alive.

And maybe mine... was written in silence.
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