Not Anymore

Ilya Rozanov had battled depression for years. Possibly for even longer than he realised, since long before that was what it was labelled as by his therapist. He had faced better days and worse days with it; that was just part of the cycle. There was one constant in his life though that had always managed to keep him grounded, and keep the particularly bad thoughts at bay; Shane Hollander.

But when the life that him and Shane had finally started to build together now that they were out and living together and playing hockey for the same team is suddenly threatened to be ripped out from underneath Ilya's feet, life doesn't seem worth living anymore. The delicate balance that he had maintained for so long with his mental health completely topples.

Canada's arguably most polarising duo in the hockey world are left to face their toughest battle yet. Feeling like they have to retreat back into the shadows once more, and unsure how they can ever fully recover from this latest disaster, Shane and Ilya navigate new and unfamiliar territory that challenges even their bond.

This is the story of how Ilya Rozanov finds himself, and his happiness... and how Shane Hollander learns to let go, and trust again when it feels like all hope is lost.

WARNINGS/TRIGGERS: Depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, smut.