Letters to Lilith

Letters to Lilith

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Sat, May 30, 2015
I sat down to write a letter to someone, a girl, i had barely known for a week. Would i give it to her? I highly doubted it, i hadn't even spoken to her much. I had always refused to ever like/love/date someone, i had my reasons of course, but now I just had so many unexplained feelings and this was the only way that i could think of letting them out. I didn't understand why i felt an immense attraction to her, yes romantically, and i also didn't understand how she left me in awe everyday. She was gorgeous, unlike anything i had ever seen. Everyone has their own "kind" of perfection and it was quickly made clear to me that she was mine- even if i didn't particularly want her to be. I sat at my desk unsure of where to begin. Writing had never been my strong suit, but it had always been a way i could express myself without any sort of judgement. I stared at the blank, stark white sheet of paper before me trying to plan a structured way of writing this, as if it really mattered. After a bit longer of looking blankly at the sheet not knowing which way to write it, trust me i thought of at least ten, i decided to just do it freehanded. I set my pen to the paper and watched as the ink spilled out onto the paper almost effortlessly. Lilith, I’m going to divulge something to you that I have yet to tell anyone. I trust that you will keep this to yourself; that is if you ever get this. A long time ago…
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I was never the cool girl. Never the centre of attention. Hell, the first party I ever went to was because Kheli dragged me there when I was seventeen. Oh, Kheli... Kheli was my first love. My first everything. But once we finished high school, we parted ways. My plans were very clear: go to university, have fun, go to parties, maybe fool around at some point when missing Kheli got too much for me to handle. I don't know - the typical university life you see in movies. However, it was nothing like that. I was struggling to keep up with my assignments, my classes, all the drama, the parties, Kheli, the people, Pokémon Go - everything. I couldn't keep up with any of it. And then... Eleanor Williams did what she does best. She came out of nowhere and planted herself right in the middle of my world. And like a very fucking annoying tree, she set down roots and refused to move. And then I found myself - God, kill me now - enjoying being around Eleanor Williams. I found myself watering the fucking tree even when I knew it would only make the roots grow deeper, until there was no way of pulling it out. (Yes, sometimes I make very shitty metaphors. You'll get used to it.) But just because I was, much to my dismay, enjoying Eleanor Williams's company didn't mean she wanted me around.

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