The Love Letters I Will Never Send

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry
You don’t know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

-The Scientist, Coldplay

There are some things that are best kept hidden in the tiny recesses of your heart. These are the things that you wish you can forget if you hide them deep enough. These letters were written in a span of five years. I wrote these to the guy who stole my heart and never gave it back.

Being broken is an understatement—I was wrecked, shattered, damaged, and basically torn into millions of tiny little pieces and I’ve been trying my best to put them back together—to no avail.

It’s hard being the strong girl. People expect you to act and feel a certain way. It’s harsh when people tell you to man up and that you can get over it. It’s only human to feel, absorb, and even wallow in the pain. But one day, you will have to stop reeling in the pain and start facing reality.

Everybody deals with pain in different ways, and this is mine. Writing these has been more than therapeutic. There are times when I wish I had the guts to actually hand these over to him and then I think of how long I’ve been protecting myself just to let him break down that wall of protection once again. It’s like I’ve done nothing over the past year but build a wall around myself which may seem impermeable and resistant to others. However, when it comes to him, that wall is just a feeble, pathetic, and scrawny piece of protection which unfortunately, is useless against him.

So until such time that I can face him with courage and acceptance, these letters will remain where it’s been for the past five years-- in a little nook in the corner of my heart.