Dumb Blonde Dynamite

A traumatized ex-sidekick accidentally adopts a mute kid, falls in love with a supervillain who bakes, and lives with an immortal gremlin who thinks pollution shouldn't exist while the family keeps getting interrupted by mythology.

Well, my good person who decided quite rashly to look here. Let me tell you my tale of woe and revenge. We begin our story with this girl called Heroine who was the greatest sidekick of all time to the greatest hero of all time! That is, until he left her to die while they were saving people from a burning building. Whoops. He literally saw her trapped under the rubble and chose to walk away, more obsessed with the piece of meat caught in his teeth than her. Now, back from the beyond with a laundry list of literal gods to kill-courtesy of Death himself-she's been given her life back and a single purpose: revenge. Murder, mayhem, and the occasional melt-your-heart moment. On her adventures, she meets a man named Villain, a mafia heir who really just wants to bake (and is in fact deeply in love with Heroine, but she would gut him like a fish), a psychopathic Jewish raccoon who wants to rule the world, and a watch with anger issues. Will she live to see 25 and complete her mission, or will she slip up and meet Death again for the last time?

And, yes, you're going to be traumatized. But, hey. It'll be a fun ride.