Discovering My Sexuality-Part 1

Discovering My Sexuality-Part 1

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Girl. Girl. Girl. YOU NEED TO BE A GIRL. *sigh* no one ever understood me... Not one single soul. By what I'm saying you probably think Im some freak. But no....Im not a freak....I just really like girls. How do I know? Well since I was a child, I never liked to think about kissing a boy, yuck! Cooties! Also I wasn't very girly and never....ever....would I dare wear a dress. Now now I know you're going to say, "but you never actually liked a girl". That's what I was going to tell you next. It all started in 5th grade when I had soccer practice and I would always walk out of the field with my friends. There was this HOT girl and when I say hot I mean like Flaming Hot Cheetos. She thought I disliked her because I would always stare at her like what the fuck? A girl can't be gay these days? But of course...no one knew my actual sexuality.
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My life in ruins, this is where I'm at currently. I was living a lie, lying to people and most importantly to myself. You can act straight all you want, you can try to convince yourself that, but no matter how hard you try. The truth is always revealed. What did I do? I stroked her face, and told her she was still beautiful, then I bent down and kissed her. One of those soft, yet deep, gut wrenching, I'll always love you, but I have to let you go, goodbye kisses. Then I rested my forehead on hers and closed my eyes. I saw the past that we had, all of the memories we had together, I took them in, I felt the feelings again, I processed them. Then I saw the dreams that we dreamed for our future, I saw all of our plans that we made, I felt them, I felt the pain of what would never be, and then I released it all. I didn't realize I was sobbing until I felt her hand graze over the tears. I opened my eyes, blinked away the tears I had left, and smiled. She returned my smile. We knew at that point that no matter what happened, we would be ok.............. This is my struggle, this is my journey. Join me for the ride, but make sure you wear your helmet.

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