Forever

I've never hated myself more than I do in this moment. How could I have done this to her? How is it the one person I want to protect is same person I'm causing pain to? I should have kept my distance from her, from everyone, just like I told myself I would do when I first came here. No attachments. Especially after what happened at my last school. I somehow manage to suck the life out of anyone trying to get close to me, anyone willing to actually care for me. The sparkle in her eyes aren't the same, they are dulled by the dreadful truth she's discovered. I knew the moment I first saw her that I couldn't have her, she was amazing, just perfect....I knew I would ruin her. I saw her fall for me, and I should have stopped it there, I should have warned her then. But I only acted on my heart's foolish desires. I was selfish and inconsiderate of how she might feel, I only cared about me. But can I really take all the blame? When will it be my chance to be happy and loved? It isn't fair. She makes me feel alive again, even if in reality I'm slowly dying everyday...