Bilbo's (Un) Respectable Diary

Just a fleeting fancy. I was reading (actually laughing insanely at) Fruitsie's story "Thorin Oakenshield's Majestic Diary" on FF and wondered what would happen if Bilbo had kept a diary of his own.?! Here are my thoughts, the dirty little bugger. Tolkien owns the characters, I just play with them(;