I have a body that works against me. I have a brain that tells me I shouldn't be here. I am taking too many risks. I should be afraid. Those people who are being nice to me will hurt me. I have to be alone with the only person I think I can trust: me. But then I met Jonas and Micah, two mysterious boys who kept me safe and I opened up to them. I had never known trust like this and I had never let someone see so much of myself. I still live with that paranoia, those unwelcome thoughts swirling overhead that the only people I feel I can trust betray me. That's exactly what happened too. And I don't handle these things well. They knew that and they still hurt me. I closed everyone out again and lived my life despite my inability to trust and therefore love. I bump into them now and again and feel myself tearing apart with the desire to trust them once more and turn them away. So I ask myself: can I be happy living my life alone? Thanks to @iampillowbunny707 for this.