Appearance vs. Reality // Shawn Mendes fanfiction
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- Parts 8
13:06, 24th March 2014.
That time will forever be ingrained into my mind.
I feel lucky, but I carry a lot. I don't talk much about myself because it can never change the past. I think of myself as rather private and I like that. But life is hard for everyone, and you just have to get on with it. One day, your life might change forever... and that day might just be the best day of your life.
I look at my watch. It's 02:16, 17th March 2015. Another night of being unable to sleep. I overthink a lot, and knowing how close it was to being a year since I first met Shawn brought sadness to light. The past year had been tough but I'd repeat every single second of it to relive the amazing memories we shared.
He changed my life. He made me a better person. He helped me through the dark and rough times. I can't thank him enough.
I loved him, and thinking back to the day we parted continued to break my heart into "a thousand pieces," or so they say.
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He said he loves me. Shawn actually said the words I've never wanted anything more in my life, yet for some reason...it doesn't feel right. Is it because he said it when I was falling apart? Or because it was only in response to me pathetically bringing up how I feel again? I don't want pity-love. I want love that's like exploding fireworks. I want love that doesn't leave me with doubts. I want love that inspires songs. I need to be loved for who I am, not because he misses me or is lonely. I want it to be easy, not so painfully hard. I don't want to feel like he's settling for me after having lost the person he truly loves. Mostly I want him to love me more than he's loved anyone else, and I know that's not possible. Highest Wattpad rankings: #1 in #shawnmendes 5/10/22 #1 in #mendes 4/4/22 #1 in #shawn 5/12/22 #1 in all three at the same time 6/5/22
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