Soul Suckers -ON HOLD-

Soul Suckers -ON HOLD-

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Tue, Jul 26, 2011
ON HOLD!!!!--- Have you ever felt as if you've lost all hope of living...Have you ever felt as if someone or something is painfully, and carelessly sucking the life out of you, every second of your sad little existence...It's dark, it's painful, & it's lonely in here...We have been here for who knows how long...yet it feels as time has frozen in its tracks...it's a cruel joke that god decided to play on us...we are innocent, we are small...but we are strong...I am tired of being here, with no hope, with only sadness, and pain, and nothing more. I'm tired of hearing the voices, the whispers. I'm tired of feeling their terrible purpose in life...why us? I don't want this anymore...my soul is disappearing, and i am becoming just a memory in the vast eternal depths of time. The line has been drawn. Enough, is enough...this is not the life i wanted, or that we wanted...it's time to escape from the Soul Suckers.
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#98
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The leaving. It was hard, tragic , painful, yet it had to be done, I needed to save my life. I didn't want to start again, this would be the story of finding myself, pulling myself back together, reuniting the happy go lucky youngster I had once been. The shock of leaving took more of a toll on me than I thought it would. I had asked two people to help me move out of the house I had shared with my partner for 8 years, we had been together 23 years in total. The move was done in total secrecy, my partner could never know in advance, it was a very scary time. I had moved various things out of the house and secured a rent on a property nearby. The house I picked was near the School the children went to, and my oldest lad was going to be near his best friend. My Mother told me of the property it was advertised on the web, we both went and had a look, even that was scary, I didn't want to be seen by anyone and became paranoid that I would be caught out. For many months I lived on a new kind of fear, the fear of someone finding out that I planned to leave my abusive partner, though of course no one knew my seemingly happy, funny, generous partner was abusive. Finding the house was one thing, getting the various companies to connect the house and exchanging the information of my current address so they could varify that I was, who I said I was almost drove me mad. The day came to leave, My Mother and a very dear Friend came round as early as possible, we packed as much as we could. This included taking the boys clothes, bedding, toys, stuff from the garden, my stuff. We had 3 cars the packing seem to take all day. By the end we had to get going to be able to unpack, leaving me time to pick up the boys from School and settle them in their new home. I couldn't do it at first,I started to cry then scream, to leave the world I had put so much of my life into, and now in a split second would be leaving was breaking my heart.

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