i am not pretty
- Reads 117
- Votes 9
- Parts 7
MatureOngoing29m
Last published Tue, Sep 1, 2015
“My mum was pushing me to do some modeling – everyone said I was a very pretty girl. And then one day it just got too much. I shaved my head and just went ‘Fuck you’ to everyone who thought I need to look a certain way. And I got bullied after that. I found myself in really dangerous situations, where, if a guy said something to me like, ‘What are you? You’re a girl but you’re trying to be a boy,’ or ‘Look at you, you’re disgusting’ … if I talked back, a few times I got hit by guys. They’d say, ‘I would never hit a girl, but you’re not a girl.’”
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When I was young, I always was that boy that was misunderstood. I would be the one with the girly voice. I was timid. I was the one who would want the boys to chase me, threatening me with a kiss, not the girls. I was the one who didn’t understand why I was this way. As I entered middle school, I felt it come more often. Seeing the guys in gym or feel them smack me on the butt teasingly, I didn’t want to just be friendly, I wanted to be more than friends. I was still so confused. It was only lonely days then. Now I am in high school, I am a junior. I fully understand what I am. I don’t like it. I want to like girls so badly. I am just not normal. I try to stay out of the scene. He gives me confidence. He may not know me, but I am destined to try. He is fully open about his sexuality. Everyone knows of the monster that is inside of his mind. I know it has taunted him for years. I want to be like him. I want to let everyone know what I am, so I can attract more like me. But even more than that, I want him. I want Camden. I want him so bad it pains me to be in his presence and not hug him. I want him so bad.
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