Clandestine

"The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all my secrets." — Poppy Z. Brite

Ever since my mother's "suicide" I've become a completely new person. The realisation that his childhood best friend and love of his life his life struck my father like a ton of bricks. He's become a changed man now. But even though he hurls insults at me and constanly blames me for my mother's "suicide", I know the real him is in there somewhere. I loved the father I knew.

Don't you just hate it when it feels like you're carrying the world on your shoulders? When you feel a thousand pairs of eyes burning holes in to your body, judging you, mocking you.... Or maybe when you're in a crowded room but you still feel alone, Almost as if you're isolated from the rest of the crowd. As if all you are is a waste of space and oxygen. If you have felt or been in anyone of those experiences then we already have so much in common.

I haven't had many friends in my life time. I'm not like some people who can rock up to a new school, act like a magnet, attracting the attention of everyone is close proximity. I'm that strange girl who would stand in the corner pretending to be on her phone (but is actually just typing on her phone calculator) and awkwardly stumble over my words when someone asks me a question.

I'm not like most people. But that's just me. My name is Hannah, and this is my story.