These Are My Confessions
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- Parts 20
These are my confessions to everything that I've done. When you read this I don't want you to look at me differently. I don't want your pity or any type of sympathy. See I knew what I signed up for when I entered the game. I choose this lifestyle and at one time I thought it was the best choice for me. I had access to any and everything. Don't be fooled though there is always a dark side.
Nobody ever tells you about the price you have to pay when you are in my position. Everybody sees the good but, not the bad. The days you have to spend trying to cover your face with makeup. The different people you meet every night just to survive. The things you would go through just to get someone's attention.
I guess you could say I did it for love. Only if you believe in that type of stuff. I would like to call my experience a high. It was pure ecstasy at first. The charming smile, expensive clothes, fancy dinners, nice vacations. Then it turns into a living hell you can't escape from. That's when people start showing their true colors. When lights go off there is a whole different side to a person. You could literally be sleeping next to the devil himself.
'Let's do this dirty laundry'
All Rights Reserved
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刺され、最強の魔術師として蘇る。平和を望む。力は混沌をゆく。
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In Shadows of Night
I woke to a sudden breeze invading the warmth from the heavy blanket that caressed my skin. Here, alone with my thoughts, the still, calm quiet in the atmosphere is almost painful. I feel suffocated in the clingy, static air. In quiet, still moments like these, I can almost feel Him. I don't know who "Him" is, but I can feel his presence. It's almost calming, especially on fearful, anxiety fueled nights. Usually, he was the strongest when I had a nightmare. The nightmares weren't as common now, but, right after everything happened, I was having them every night. I'd wake up and swear I was drenched in blood, my eyes and lips sticky, my nose filled with the smell of iron and fuel. After everything, that's when Him first came. From there, he just never left. I can usually sense when Him is near. Today, though, his presence is stronger. I can almost feel Him next to me, weighing down the mattress. Some nights, I roll over and imagine how he looks, envision his smile or the sparkle in his eyes. He's never there and I'm left clutching to the thought that he exists, staring into empty air. Tonight, though, I swear I can reach out and touch him. Extending my hand gently, I sweep my hand out into the darkness and meet an inexplicable warmth. A scream rips from my lungs as hands cover my face and two icy blue eyes stare back at me, daring me to speak again. A soft cloth caressed my nose and mouth before I felt myself fade into bed. All Rights Reserved. Contains graphic descriptions of violence and assault. Contains battle scene.Complete
It feels like I'm living in a world full of lies... My life is full of lies. My life is wreck. My life is a disaster. I want to run but I can't. There holding me back. They keep me chained to this horrible place. The pain they give me is unbearable but I need to survive this hell hole just to escape. It seems like there lies are already enough to give me pain but they don't stop there. They keep doing it as if they want me to be dead from this pain. I was alone. At least I thought I was. Until he came. He was my new neighbor. He is an irresistible bad boy. When he came into my life it was just like your car crashed into a concrete wall and you went flying because of the impact it made. Well that's how its gonna be when he crashed into my miserable life. And he made a big impact and changed my whole life...
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