Sidelined

Imagine falling through an endless pit, darkness swallowing you completely, and drowning you in sadness, heart break and depression. The good people you knew were distant; their backs turned away from you. Their faces unrecognisable, and you're left there thinking why you should've changed, why your life even exists and how idiotic you are, and always will be. Perhaps a dream that you couldn't quite remember. The forgotten mysteries left unsolved, the moments that you didn't fully understand. The moments that haunted you for life, and the moments that made you happier. That's me. I always feel lost, like I'm slowly dying, or slowly turning insane. The shadowy figures that keep me up at night, my mother who I couldn't remember, and the whispers that tell me things that relate to nightmares, and real life. Do I find this normal? Yes. Am I use to it? No. Just a confused child, always feeling on the edge of things and always feeling frightened. Yet I always feel guided by my fears, because I know, there has to be a light behind the forbidden blackness that awaits me upfront. I'm always running, trying to reach the other side. Even though I know, it wants me dead, and now I'm sidelined.