When I can't do anything else but think

When I can't do anything else but think

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Sun, Aug 16, 2015
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Poetry
It's like, I want to explain how I feel. I really do, but there are no words in a dictionary for it. It's hidden, deep within the dictionary, so I can never find them and everyone who asks, how I really feel. So I cover it up with normal over used words people would rather hear. "I'm fine, I swear" If those words weren't stopping me from saying everything and the words in the dictionary came out of their hiding spots and helped me, I wouldn't be so sad and quiet inside. Everyone would know I wasn't alright. Everyone would try to save me..
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Why did he kidnap me? This happened 3 months ago. Many times I have tried to escape the clutches of his rough hands. Many times I have cried for help. But I need to get stronger in order to escape from him. Now, three months later, I think about this, but now my feelings are different. I wanted to kill him, to make him suffer the way he made me suffer. "Do it, kill him!" Is what I'm thinking. "Kill him and it will be over. I will be able to escape." The mask that was hiding his identity looks at me as I hold the knife to his throat. The whole time I been wondering why I didn't just slit his throat. He told me to do it, to finish him but I couldn't, I just couldn't. I couldn't hate him for the times he whipped me or raped me. I just couldn't. I looked at him holding the knife to his throat with a shaky hand. No matter how hard I try I can't hate him. No matter how hard I try I can't get the knife to slice Reidson's throat. Dropping the knife on the floor I look at his face. I couldn't see his eyes because of the white mask. Now the same hands that used to be so rough became soft and warm. He still beats and rapes me but I figured out why I didn't hate him for making me suffer like this with these same hands that hurt me so cruelly are now touching my face gently. I held his hand to my chest as I look at his masked face. His hand is stained with blood. My blood. I look at his face, I have fallen into a cruel love.

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