The boy that loves and hates me ( emo love)

I hear her breathing, i see her every move, i watch her sleep at night at times like this sometimes i want to kill her, at times i want to abuse her, at times i want her in pain, suffering, at times i like to watch her cut herself and cry i like to call her names like bitch,slut,cunt,or tramp. but sometimes i want to see her smile,laugh,and just be happy but the one thing i don't like doing or saying to her is that i love her.