Worth It

"I don't get it! Why do you keep doing this to me?!"

His words were wrapped in molten lava, hands in his hair, eyes closed tight. My heart hammered at my ribcage. I knew where this was going.

"You pull me in, then you push me the hell away!"

He shook his head at me in disgust. I felt a piece of me break at every disappointed word he'd said, the panic was rising through every crevice of my body.

"I'm done Al, I can't keep playing this game with you. I can't keep picking up the casualties on my own. I am tired, I'm just tired of trying to make you love me."

He let out in defeat and waited for my response. Alarms started going off in my head but all I could do was look down in shame. When I didn't say anything, he looked at me a moment longer and turned to walk away. Everything in me was screaming at him to stay but no sound would come out of my mouth. He was walking at such a slow pace I knew he wanted me to call him back. But as I opened my mouth to scream his name, I remembered something Amirah had told me a few weeks ago.

"Allah sends you signs to show you that someone isn't good for you and when you still don't let go, he makes them hurt you so that you have no choice but to"

I wasn't good for him so I let him go.

_____________

This is Alanna's story.

It combines the tragedies of her past, the trials of the present and what ties them together.

Buckle up because this is one hell of a story.