Seventeen.
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WpMetadataReadComplete Sat, Aug 13, 2016<5 mins
The only thing I'm conceiving tonight is a bittersweet aftertaste. There's always a reason to inhale confidence and the little breath I do away with rushes back to me when I'm with you. I was behind the normal crowd, cursing those who knew the fundamentals of love, and feeling nothing but contempt for the people who got to end their day with a kiss on the lips as the moonlight seemed to put on a show just for them. Now today I understood that it just isn't everything. Salty tears would hit the ground and from there the center of the earth would brew an evil stew, made especially for me. This inability to form coherent words when I'm around you never ceases to amaze me. My mind is my own and yet when I'm around you I'm fighting my ailments because you're starting to make me feel alive. Being in touch with your feelings is never a bad thing, not at all. No matter where we walk every pebble and stone would sink into the earth and spring forth onto the daylight as if they're seeing us for the first time. We could lay on my lawn with our arms outstretched and wonder what it would be like to be the only two people on the planet. In the far reaches of the galaxy, even. I'm meticulous with my thoughts but even more so with you. When the day is done and we're dancing around the flames I would hold your waist ever so gently and gaze lovingly into your eyes. You have that cute smile that makes the rest of the obscure features on your face visible. I'm never happy, only less melancholy. Sad for me but not so much for you, If I really wanted to escape this change I would look at the time. With you, every moment would be the most beautiful crime.
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***this book contains suicidal thoughts and tendencies, may not be appropriate for younger audiences*** In which she looks for the purpose of life. Lily Carter's parents died in a car crash leaving her and Laura, girl was depressed long before her parents passed away and with all the problems turning up now, Lily felt more miserable - if that's even possible. With her journey to look for life's purpose and grab the small pinch of HOPE - which is ironically her second name -, will she finally snap at the pressure and finally end it all? or will a small light lit her darkened world of grief and loneliness? * "So you know. The little goth girl who gets bullied is indeed a mess. There's this mess in her head that eats her alive everyday isn't it? What to do now Kaden? Tell the whole neighborhood and recieve an award for taking out a crazy in this world?" I spit like vomit. His eyes warmed up as I finished, "Lily. It isn't like that" "What is it then? People stopped caring... they gave up, why aren't you?" I fought my tears. "Because I feel the need to care. Did Leigh hurt you? Did she hit you?" he finally noticed the unusual redness of my cheek. I don't like the way he told me he needed to care for me. I felt like an obligation, a responsibility that he is carrying and carrying leads to getting tired and when people gets tired, they give up. I don't want them to give up on me. But they will, so it's good not to make them care for me in the first place. "I never needed anyone. I stopped needing anyone before, why start now?" I uttered the words again. Why? There is nothing to fight for. No mama. No papa. No sister to love me. No one. So why would I waste my life and the time of others to fix what is already broken - and someone who doesn't want to be fixed? If I may add. Maybe I gave up. No, scratch that. I gave up a long time ago - when my parents died, my hope and purpose went away with them.

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