Some Skyscrapers Fall
- Reads 184
- Votes 5
- Parts 7
Ongoing14m
Last published Wed, Apr 10, 2013
---PREVIEW---
After I was dropped off at home from rehearsal, I could finally just sit alone and cry. As soon as I walked in the door, I ran downstairs, locked myself in the bathroom, sat down, and started sobbing uncontrollably. Normally I felt okay after a good cry, but it just didn't feel like it was enough anymore.
I ran into my room and began frantically searching for my new package of little pencil sharpeners. When I finally found it, I ripped a green one out of the package and then grabbed a screwdriver and ran back into the bathroom.
I began chipping off the sides of the pencil sharpener and digging out the plastic that was holding the blade. When i had dug deep enough, I shoved the screwdriver under the blade, and kept pushing on it until the blade finally popped out. I took the screw out of the blade.
I put the blade right to my wrist. And without a second thought, I started repeatedly sliding the blade into my wrist, digging deeper each time. The sight of the blood flowing out of my wrist made me feel even worse about it. But for those few moments while the pain took over me, I forgot all about the events of the day that had led up to this. And that's all that really mattered to me.
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#451
recovery
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This day wasn't an exception. I cried over and over until I could no longer, I wiped my tears and took the packages in my arms after opening the door. In the house, nothing new. They were still talking, so I had time to drop off the packages, and without even opening one, I headed to the showers, cleaned my face with water, and went to my room. This is roughly how my days as a child went. I know that it cannot be described as an ideal childhood, but it would certainly be the most beautiful period of my life. Despite family conflicts, school conflicts, loneliness, and fear, I was happy. I was happy because they were all there, happy because they always remained, despite my faults, and happy. After all, I knew that I had not yet experienced the worst. Happy because I knew, that sooner or later everything would end. So yes, I was as cowardly and useless as they all claimed and even more naive than they would have believed, but this vision that I had at that age kept me going. Although the truth was hard to accept, I was given no choice. So I accepted life as it came; I accepted myself and my truth, my weaknesses, and the fact that I had to get used to the idea that I would always be the first actor to die in films.
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