My experiences as a human

I've been told that I should talk more often, and seeing as how Human life in the "real" format is so terrible, why don't I talk to you people instead?
This will be several stories recounting times, and things, in my life. Of course, I may change names of people and places, but it'll hopefully be pretty accurate. Also, I may never update. Ever. I'll try to do it on a regular basis, but you know how that kind of thing usually works out. So, yeah. Hi. Welcome to my life. (Mostly non-fiction.)
(Mostly.)