when you see her

It's been nine years. Nine years since she disappeared. Nine years since all we had left of her was her backpack and a few skittles on the ground. It's been nine years since I brutally rejected my best friend. It's been nine years since she ran out of my house. If only I would have known that that would be the last time I saw her; with tears in her eyes and begging me to talk to her. I didn't know, I didn't fucking know and it makes me so mad that there was nothing I could do to protect her. They took her away from me, her family and every other person that knew her without even thinking about how we were going to feel, how we were going to live without her. And honestly, even if she isn't here, she's here. She's the reason I signed up for X-Factor and she's the reason I believe in myself.

Secretly I hope that somewhere she's watching TV and that she sees me and that she tries to contact me. But I know that won't happen, it's been nine years and even if she's still alive, I doubt that I'll ever see her again. The police has already given up, but I won't -- I will never give up. I've been in many countries with the boys, nobody knows her. The boys have been a massive help for me, they stand by through anything. I'm so thankful for them and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them.

But they're not her.

I miss her and I'm still thinking about her everyday.

And if you see her, tell everyone, shout it from the rooftops-- but please, make sure you let me know.