Life After True Love

Life After True Love

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WpMetadataReadOngoing1h 12m
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Wed, Aug 31, 2016
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Fiction
Romance
I was never the type of person to feel like it was okay to sit and pine away for something I had no control over. I'd had my share of break ups, whether they were my idea or the other person's. I never really had a hard time getting over them. As terrible as it sounds, it was true. There was never that "crazy ex-girlfriend" phase of Instagram stalking, or tweet watching, and definitely no driving around the block to see who was at their house. I mean sure, I was probably sad about it at one time or another, but within at least a month or so I was over it and either content alone or finding someone new. Did that make me a bad person? Maybe. Was I sometimes dissatisfied with my own relationship choices? Sure...but what was the use? Why waste time trying to get something back that clearly wasn't meant to be anyway? I guess, the way I saw it was if I was with someone, and a break up happened, then it was supposed to and fighting to reverse the break up was fighting against the universe basically telling me, "hey, that person isn't right for you, and you aren't right for that person." Some of those relationships took longer to get over, but I had never experienced any feeling of thinking I would never find someone better...until I lost him. One stupid mistake cost me him. This isn't a story about how I got him back, it's a story about how I learned to live without him.
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#473
tragic
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A few months ago, I bought a mug with gold gilt. On sale. Not a gift either nor because of an occasion to remember by it. Just plain, pretty mug for 15PLN. I drank my coffee from it since. I spat loose tea leaves into it. It never felt particularly significant. An ordinary object. Only when I lost it, I realised its true value. I sat comfortably at my desk one evening. Looking at my phone, I reached to take my song-text notebook. Trivial situation. My clumsy fingers were unable to avoid the mug. They allowed it to topple over, to slip from the desktop. Even though I did not see the split-second occurrence, I felt the pressure of unease. My head painted the trajectory of the fall on its own, the shattering, spillage. The loss. For a millisecond I still had hope, that I would be able to catch the mug, that I would be able to avoid what was about to happen. But I knew I was headed for failure. I don't have any superpowers. I only scalded my fingers. I looked at the mug's new shape for a long while, at the shattered pieces. At the spilling liquid. Our adventure came to an end. Irrevocably. I won't be drinking coffee from it anymore, nor spit tea leaves into it. Well. I shouldn't be sad, it was just a regular mug, just like thousands of others. I grew to like it, it kept me company throughout hundreds of warm drinks. I lost it. I hate this feeling the most. In the moment when I am losing something, I stop in my tracks, I hold my breath. It is always a very intense moment. A short one, but one that gives me the tight unpleasant feeling in my stomach. The feeling of loss is always accompanied by hope. Silly and naïve. Making me believe so strongly, that I can make it. That I will still be able to catch the mug mid-flight. When the feeling is entering the body, crawling into me I realise, how important it was to me. Whether it's Nivan or a stupid mug with gold gilt.

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