The Change

3:05 AM
Every morning is the same, I wake in cold sweats and with a raw throat, my lungs burning from breathing so erratically. I've screamed myself awake again. And every morning I dwell on the fact that my mother didn't even check on me. It’s the same routine everyday, and I hate it. I feel like I've been doing the same thing for a lifetime, even though it’s only been a few months. I feel as if it’s becoming normal, natural. My mind wonders back, back to that night. It’s always that night, It’s where everything changed. The feeling of helplessness, of fear consume me. I shake off the feeling, and check the clock, even though it’s always the same, 3:08 AM. I calculate, two hours, I slept for two hours. Sometimes I'd rather not know how long, but in some insane and crazy way it helps me, it makes me think of something other than him. Thinking scares me, but not as much as he does. He's the reason I can't trust, Why I can't love, he broke me. Pushed me over the edge and laughed while he sent me to my death.