Depression//Phan - ella - Wattpad

Depression//Phan

Reads 6,623
Votes 162
Parts 19
Time 1h 35m

Reads 6,623
Votes 162
Parts 19
Time 1h 35m

Mature

danandphil danandphilfanfiction danhowell danhowellandphillester danisnotonfire depression fanfiction howell lester phanfic phanfiction philanddan phillester sad upsetting

(tw: s*lf-h*rm, mentions of s*lf-h*rm, d*pr*ss*d scenes. May be triggering for some. Read at your own limit, please!)

Phil Lester, a boy who's falling into depression slowly. And soon, his depression may end up falling to deep.

He gets hateful and rude comments on his videos that he posts to YouTube. He even gets hate on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr. What did he ever do to them?

What did he do to deserve any of this??

His flatmate Dan doesn't know about Phil's depression, however. All he knows (thinks, rather) is that his best friend is staying strong through all of the hateful things he gets from people. 

But in reality, that's not what Phil is doing at all. 

He's not staying strong through the hate. He's just faking the smile for Dan so he wouldn't get so worried about him. Sure, Dan might be able to crack some real smiles out of him once in a while, but not every time. He also wears long sleeves and thick bracelets to hide the scars of his pain. He acts like his normal quirky, adorable, funny, weird self when making YouTube videos, when around his friends and family, when having a meet-up with fans (or just being around them in general), when out in public, etc. Phil hadn't told anyone at all about his depression. And he probably wouldn't anytime soon, either. His fans didn't know, his friends didn't know, his family didn't know, Dan didn't know... nobody knew.

But one day, would people push him over his limit?

Would Dan be able to save him in time?

© 2016 by bluetroyee. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.All Rights Reserved

danandphil danandphilfanfiction danhowell danhowellandphillester danisnotonfire depression fanfiction howell lester phanfic phanfiction philanddan phillester sad upsetting

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19 parts

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Lollipop // Phan by apotatothatshipsphan

Dan Howell has crippling anxiety, and as a way to cope is to suck on lollipops. And it's always pink or light blue lollipops. Dan's a very shy pastel kid, who's always has a flower crown atop his curly brown hair. Phil Lester has always watched Dan from afar, to scared he would frighten the small boy. He has many tattoos and piercings, even his hair is dyed blue. One day he walks up to the roof of the high school, and sees Dan standing on the ledge about to jump. They both don't fit into their highly religious town, and it drives them crazy. There is smut. *TRIGGER WARNINGS* Depression, Anxiety, homophobe, Mentions of suicide, and Mentions of self harm Please do not read if you are triggered by one or more of the things listed above. •I am american, so I use american terms•

In Another Life (Dan and Phil X Reader) by Liv4Writing

You've lived most of your teenagerhood as a major fan of Dan and Phil, and a proud member of the Phandom (shipping them or not, your choice.) You wake up one day to find yourself seemingly inserted into Dan's life as his best friend, and the next day inserted into Phil's life. You alternate being your two favorite YouTubers' best friend. Finally, you notice that Dan and Phil are notably absent from each other's lives: they've never met. You're torn between wanting to bring the two YouTubers together to create the amazing Phandom, but you also want to continue spending your life with them. And on top of that, you only have room for one life- Dan or Phil? Note: Please read the whole story! It won't make sense if you skip chapters.

The Only One (Phan) [COMPLETE] by underscorekacie

"Phil Lester is the literal sunshine of my life. If I didn't have him in my life, I may have been dead by now. Every day still sucks, but whenever I'm with Phil, my heart remembers that life is worth living. The only reason my life is worth living is to be next to Phil. To see him smile, to hear him laugh, to listen to his voice, to watch him move...everything. Everything that he does brings the much-needed light into my life." Dan Howell has many struggles within himself, despite his successful YouTube career. The only one who truly helps him is his best mate, Phil Lester. Dan has been madly in love with Phil since the first day they met. However, Dan knows that it is inevitable that Phil will never return the feeling because he is only interested in women. As Dan attempts to battle his own demons, Phil seems to be quite happy and even ends up dating a beautiful girl. Unfortunately, this makes Dan's mental state even worse. What will happen to Dan? Will he ever confess his strong feelings for his best friend? Will he ever overcome the ongoing war in his head?

I Am Nobody (phan) by MySecretsX

COMPLETE *** I am nobody and I'm nobody that matters. I'm alone, neglected by everyone and worthless. I want something, something crazy, something that's dangerous to get. But I will. Most would call me a psycho, but that's far from it. I'm so hurt and so full of emotion, which is exactly the reason I've decided to do this. Do what exactly? Stalk him 'til he loves me. I'm reasonably popular, I wouldn't say famous, on the internet. I have my little community and as long as I'm making someone happy, even myself, making these videos is worth it. There's this one guy, though, that's constantly trying to get my attention, and succeeding for that matter. I've been warned he's dangerous and I should take the hints and stay away, but I've never been one to listen. And, I see something in this kid, he's hurt, and I will help him. With what exactly? Whatever he wants.

Too Close (Phan) by WellThisIsAwkward49

Phil Lester is a well known youtuber. He hides behind the camera, he acts the way that he wants to but he scared to be himself at school. He's popular and he's not happy like that. Dan is sweet and rarely talks. He is always afraid that somebody will hurt him so he tries to stay away from people and emotions. Dan struggles with depression, selfharm, bullies, anorexia, a dark past, and being fostered by an abusive family. His mom and dad died when he was 13 and he blames himself everyday. His 7 year old sister is the only thing keeping him alive and sane. Phil feels bad for Dan, but he can't show it unless he wants to get hurt to. Little does Phil know, Dan is quickly losing control of his life. Read this book to go on this adventure with Dan and Phil. (Will mostly be written in Dan's POV) WARNINGS: This story will have very triggering content that deals with self harm, depression, self hatred, anorexia, abuse, harsh language, bullying, mentions of rape, bulimia, and anxiety. Please be careful reading my book and I am always here to talk if you need it. Also, Dan is shorter in this book, about 5'9" cause I have a thing with height.

deranged | phan by phanlusions

completed~~ Dan Howell is admitted into the Manchester Eye Mental Hospital after his attempted suicide. He gets roomed with a boy named Phil Lester, but he doesn't talk much. Not at all actually. Dan decides to make it his personal mission to make Phil talk, but focusing on someone all the time can make you lose yourself. ------------------------------------------ mentions of self harm, suicide, multiple mental illnesses, etc ------------------------------------------ deranged (a.) mad; insane

Moving ~ PHAN by krysiice

When Dan start school in a new place, he and Phil become friends fast. But what happens when things become to much? What happens when the only relief seems to be in harming? What happens when they start catching feelings for one another? But what happens when what Dan's been forced to do his whole life, emerges again, threatening to possibly separate them forever, especially when they need the other the most? *Contains: -fluff, smut -descriptive issues such as: self harm, abuse, suicidal thoughts PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED BY THESE THINGS stay safe *hugs*

Outcast ✧ Phan by cuddlephan

Dan Howell has telekinesis - a power just like out of a comic book. Yet instead of protecting the universe as a brave superhero, he hides. He hides his power and himself, fearing nothing more than getting attached to somebody and dragging them down. Of course, Phil Lester, the new kid in school, just had to come waltzing in, destroying his entire view on nearly everything in the worst (and best) ways possible. Phil's like a drug, and boy, is Dan addicted. Warning: contains self harm, depression, boyxboy, references towards abuse, and other possible triggers or content you may not be comfortable with. you can message me in private for the specifics if you feel you need it and remember to stay safe. (Top: #89 in Fanfiction, #1 in Phan!)

pretend (phan) by audrat

Dan Howell was the typical spoiled, rich boy with butlers driving him to operas and maids making him nachos for breakfast. Phil Lester, however, was the opposite. Barely any money and deadbeat parents, he lives in a bad neighborhood in a gross apartment with cat hair covering the carpet and an odd roommate. And then Dan's parents decide he needs to love someone rather than himself, and when Phil shows up at his mansion steps, Dan's parents grow fond of him- so much that the two are exchanging rings and Phil is moving in with his new spouse. They tell Dan he should give it a few months, to be patient, and if he still doesn't like him then they'll sign the divorce papers and call it quits. Marriage isn't perfect, right? Well this one is the exact example. But they could always pretend.

$Crime Can't Love \/ Phan \/ COMPLETE by LiterallyJustCase$

" For the first time I felt I saw Daniel Howell, the lonely boy who puts everything into his job so he can feel there are some people out there who will not leave him. And for the first time Dan saw me, Philip Michael Lester, the suicidal runaway who's constantly haunted by his regrets. The secretive boy that will never let himself get attached and hurt others. ,, ~ We Truly Saw Eachother - Chapter 24 ------------------- Aka: Phil's a ruthless crime-lord and the boss of the Mafia. The job's dangerous, so he can't really be bothered to make friends or relationships if he's just going to scare them or drive them away... But that doesn't mean he doesn't get lonely. Dan's a famous internet celebrity who spreads word about mental illness and brings joy to many lives. He values his image and career above nearly everything else, but that means he thinks he doesn't have time for relationships of any kind. Even before they meet, they impact each other, no matter how much Phil hates what he's done. Started: 9.10.18 (British date) Completed: 24.8.19 Edited: 18.10.19 - ??.??.?? TW: Robbery, Gangs, mugging, murder, crime, one-night stands, relationship and family abuse, multiple suicides, major character death, smut (optional and put in another book), kidnapping, minor character death, mental issues. The cover is completely my own artwork, so stOP ASKING

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Slide 1 of 10

Lollipop // Phan cover

In Another Life (Dan and Phil X Reader) cover

The Only One (Phan) [COMPLETE] cover

I Am Nobody (phan) cover

Too Close (Phan) cover

deranged | phan cover

Moving ~ PHAN cover

Outcast ✧ Phan cover

pretend (phan) cover

$Crime Can't Love \/ Phan \/ COMPLETE cover$

Lollipop // Phan

Dan Howell has crippling anxiety, and as a way to cope is to suck on lollipops. And it's always pink or light blue lollipops. Dan's a very shy pastel kid, who's always has a flower crown atop his curly brown hair. Phil Lester has always watched Dan from afar, to scared he would frighten the small boy. He has many tattoos and piercings, even his hair is dyed blue. One day he walks up to the roof of the high school, and sees Dan standing on the ledge about to jump. They both don't fit into their highly religious town, and it drives them crazy. There is smut. TRIGGER WARNINGS Depression, Anxiety, homophobe, Mentions of suicide, and Mentions of self harm Please do not read if you are triggered by one or more of the things listed above. •I am american, so I use american terms•