Memories.

What's not bad is the memories. The memories are what keep me together. Keep me sane. Keep me from breaking down.
I remember your annoying singing.
Your jokes.
Your laugh
Your Saturday cleaning days... (God did I hate those)
I get it, it's gonna be like this for a while.

Thanksgiving is gonna pass, and Christmas.
I'm gonna miss how you told me that 93.9 is playing Christmas music, and how you'd take me to go see the tree in downtown.

I get it. Things are gonna be different now.

I remember that day we caught a flat tire on my birthday, and you still drove the hour to Gurnee to take me to Cracker Barrel and you brought me that sock monkey so that Sir Walter Socks-a-Lot could have a daughter.
I named her Tulip... Tulip Penelope Socks-A-Lot.

Don't think I didn't stop and think about the things you did for me by doing the best you could with what you had.
> that's the real struggle.

I was ungrateful. I get it.
But I still loved you deep down.
And I always will. Now I will.

See I ain't talking about how miserable I am. How guilty I feel. I'm trying to be happy for you. To remember you and all the good times we had.
Cause that's all i can do.

You passing away has made me realize just how much of a messed up person I was. & I'm going to fix that.

see,
I love you mom.
I've always have. I was just too stubborn and angry to realize it.
And I'm sorry.