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Hilarious Texts

walkinginclouds

Reads 4,079,398
Votes 170,161
Parts 112
Time 26m

Reads 4,079,398
Votes 170,161
Parts 112
Time 26m

walkinginclouds

Random text fails that I stumbled upon while on the internet. I did not make any of these so all rights go to the people who actually made them and posted them. 

**WARNING: Sexual content and rude language so if you take offense to these please don't read.**All Rights Reserved

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112 parts

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Chimera 🌈 [ONC 2024] by empiresofwater

2100. A mysterious ship, nicknamed the Chimera, appears in Martian airspace. It bears the symbol of the international space agency, the BASE, but there is no record of such a vessel. Word and rumour quickly spread. BASE investigator Leanne Ziegler is sent to inspect the ship and make contact with its crew. But the Chimera seems completely deserted, other than the imperious AI caretaker, Valkyrie. Down in the fledging Nerio colony on Mars, suspicion grows. The colonists are already turning against the ways of the BASE, creating their own Martian identity. This potential security threat could prove to be the final rift between Earth and Mars. Trying to keep control of the political situation, Nerio sends a mysterious and cold liaison, Ryan, to aid Leanne. But, in ten days, Mars will turn her guns on the Chimera. Leanne and Ryan must work quickly to discover the secret of the ship - and decide whether its fate under the Martian guns is deserved. [ONC 2024 entry]

Rajput's (Completed ✓) by ShyD32

The story is about a very prominent Rajput family in Rajasthan, well-known in their village, and they have a large business empire of the jewelry and gemstones. In the story the female leads are weak and the story is a little toxic and have mild domestic violence if you don't like this kind of story you can skip it,and the images in the story used are from pinterest so all credits go to pinterest.

HELLBOUND by JOJIFILMS

tie my heart in chains of silver and gold

Children of the Ark ✔️ by FlatMatesForLife

Every three years a group of two-hundred teens get sent to Earth. After spending two years on Earth, you can choose to go back onto the Ark or to stay on Earth. Most don't survive the first week. They get to either join a Clan, create a new Clan or go solo. If your name is called out, you have to go down. You have no choice. Almost everyone joins a Clan or makes a new Clan. Nobody goes solo, unless you absolutely have to. Or if no Clan accepts you. Every animal on Earth wants to kill humans, they have all mutated after the Nuclear War, all the ones that survived, and are out for human flesh and blood. Bastien Water's name gets called out during the Choosing and he has to try to survive on Earth. While his family grieves thinking that Bastien won't survive but he's out to prove them wrong. Bastien meets new people, makes some friends and make some enemies. Bastien has to face many challenges to survive on Earth. Will he be able to do it? (None of this story is edited... so please bear with me... and the ending is crappy, sorry bout that)

Baguette Rhymes with Dead || ONC 2024 | ✔ by bigfivedonaldduckfan

It is a truth universally acknowledged that all those who travel to Paris must have a good time. But Dominic isn't having a blast. That is, until his annoyingly attractive roommate Luc ropes him into a daring scheme: visit the city's most famous cemetery at midnight. Illegally. Père-Lachaise is a true necropolis: old, huge and filled with mystery. When the boundaries between life and death begin to blur, Dominic and Luc find themselves in a necropolis unlike the one they expected see. A Paris of the Other Side, a real City of the Dead simply begging to be explored. A city that isn't without its own dangers. This is a ghost tour to never forget. ~ONC Round One Winner~ ~ONC shortlister~ ~Featured on Freethelgbt~ ~Featured on Humor~

Immortal Stonekeeper by Mercynarie

Living your life on the edge is all fun and games, until the ground shifts before your feet and you wind up dead on the streets with a hole in your head. Informant Jonathan Warner is perfectly content with living his life one exciting night at a time. But when his cop friend asks him for help regarding a dead auctioneer and a missing jewel, he finds himself suddenly dragged into the hidden world of vampires and immortals. What do immortals want from him? Who killed the auctioneer? Why is this jewel so important? And will his life ever be the same again? This is the tale of the Immortal Stonekeeper. Special thanks to 'ZellaAce' for creating this amazing cover for me!

The Gods of Lindensea by ella_rowan

An introduction to the mythology of Lindensea.

Camp Antler Point by sandydragon1

Eighteen-year-old Amy Sterling expected her overprotective dad to be the worst thing about working at Camp Antler Point over the summer, but when one of her would-be coworkers goes missing right before the start of camp, its up to her to save the kids from rampaging wildlife. When rebellious bad boy Lucas invites her to sneak off for some fun by the lake, Amy jumps at the chance to finally be around someone who doesn't treat her like she's made of glass just because she has cerebral palsy. Helicopter parenting quickly becomes the least of her problems when what she thought was just a campfire story turns out to be horrifyingly real as a disease ravages the local moose population, turning the once gentle giants into murderous monsters. Cover by @deathinreverie

Wetherfall Academy by lydiazstory

Quinni Briggs has managed to almost go halfway of her Wetherfall Academy without having a Dominant. That is until Principle Wetherfall decides enough is enough and too much of his time has been used to punish Quinni. Principal Wetherfall decides to assign his son, Knox Wetherfall to be Quinni's Dominant, Being one of the strictest to handle her brattiness.

Wendizzy's Writer Room by Wendizzy

In this book, you'll get a behind the scenes look at how your favorite characters were born, my creative process, and the dirty details never before revealed. Tex's Camp Q&A: Come sit by the fire and ask me whatever you'd like. We can roast marshmallows, tell scary stories, and hang out in the comments like a big, happy family. Gator's Backstage Pass: A place full of secrets. Learn the-sometimes embarrassing-details on how my wildest scenes came to life, facts about the characters, the process, and myself.

Nightsworn | The Whispering Wall #2 by giveitameaning

Jordan Haverford is stuck between hunting demons, committing crime, and trying not to die from either. All he wants is to go home, but his chances look bleaker than ever. ***** Balancing his education in magic and demon-hunting with an apprenticeship to the assassin Arlen Blackheart is hard enough. Keeping his sister safe and avoiding assassination by Arlen's fanatic ex-student at the same time is pushing Jordan to breaking point. As he is drawn deeper into the life of an Unspoken and the knife-edge politics of the assassins' guild, shedding his old self - and his aspirations of escape - might be the only way to stay sane. Darker things are stirring at Nictaven's borders - the Whispering Wall is showing signs of strain, and sickness haunts the outer settlements, creeping closer to Shadow's Reach with each passing day. Within the city, the dead grow restless. Wonderful cover by Acacia Heather - Caysaaaa on Wattpad! Book Two of the Whispering Wall series ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © giveitameaning/S E Harrison 2020 (this story is currently only authorised to be on Wattpad.com under this account - if you are reading it elsewhere it is an illegal copy or mirror site where you may be at risk of malware)

Little Bella by SaRa_2_Ghostwriter

Mafia ; The word itself expresses fear , danger and mostly DEATH . What happens when one day the capo of the most feared mafia , Leonardo Russo , meets the little shy, smart and sweet Bella , who herself is a mystery . Bella is just like her name beautiful but this little miss sunshine's existence is enigma. Will this sunshine brighten the Russo world or will she remain an enigma ?? Let's grasp the story of Bella ( Russo's princess 😉 ) . #1 in lovable ♡♡ #1 in Older brothers ♡♡ #1 in father- daughter ♡♡ #1 in 3 years old ♡♡ #1 in lost daughter ♡♡ #1 in only daughter ♡♡

ဦးရဲ့မဟေသီ by Miathomas-085

ကြမ်းကြမ်းရမ်းရမ်းချစ်မဲ့ဦး(warning)

Jarvit by AprilDay

Jarvit is appalled to learn his errand, delivering scrolls for his master, is intended to send him to his death. Jarvit is taken captive by the powerful and evil archimage Lord D’Braggatio. Then, befriended by the maid Silva, he discovers he has a mystic connection with Lady Mabina D’Braggatio. But it is the voice in his head that disturbs him most.

Revenge by SafiyaSh675

He is the destruction in himself.

Crimson Hunger by AnanTello1

Back from the grave, Ian develops an unusual disorder. He is haunted by an eerie woman and a hunger for the blood of one person: his best friend... and murderer? He leaves London in 2014 and sets off on a treacherous journey in war-torn Syria to quench his thirst for revenge. In Damascus, he meets Ada, a struggling, peculiar Syrian artist, who promises to help him find peace but gets unwillingly trapped in his vindictive quest. The journey takes an unexpected turn and Ian and Ada fall prey to savage human traffickers and drug dealers with whom Syria is infested. They manage to escape at times but end in the hands of an international drug lord who has a personal interest in them. Ian continues to be haunted by his hunger for blood and revenge. How will his journey end and what will become of him and his companion? *** © Copyright: All rights reserved to Anan Tello No part of this story may be replicated in any form. *** Highest ranking reached in Mystery/Thriller: 113 out of 1.4K stories Highest ranking reached in suspense: 527 out of 5.5K stories *** {{{{{ This story has made the Wattys 2018 longlist! }}}}}

Misery County by Michael_Houston

When he hung up his combat boots for the last time, Eric planned to enjoy a taste of the quiet life. Destiny had other ideas. After being called out to help an old friend with a mysterious disturbance, Eric finds himself at the front line of a very different kind of battlefield; one where the weapons are unearthly, the stakes are high, and the enemies aren't human. Alongside Cassie, his friend, fellow monster hunter, and begrudging surrogate sister, Eric makes it his mission to rid Missouri County of its supernatural scourge, but what started off as a simple job ends up costing Eric more than he knew he had to lose. Now with soundtrack! I'm thrilled to say that the full ebook and paperback are now available at Amazon from... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07M65SCMM ...or simply search "Misery County Michael Houston" in your own country's Amazon. Q: Will the full story still stay on Wattpad. A: Yes! But who doesn't love a good ol' paperback in their hands? And that new book smell... mmm, simply delicious...

How to Poison Your Husband || ONC 2024 by SophieKestrel

Down on her luck after murdering her husband, Ivelle has no choice but to follow in her late mum's footsteps and become a villain. Her first customer: an unhappy lady betrothed to a prince with more loose screws than Ivelle's defunct hardware store. But as Ivelle guides her client through her validated Twelve Step Plan For Poisoning Your Husband (Satisfaction Guaranteed!), she realizes all is not as it seems with the kooky prince. Will she sacrifice her morals to kill an innocent man and secure her client's future, or will she be forced to part with a metric f*ckton of gold? And why does an irritating detective named Ferlock Polmes keep trying to mess with her plans?

Transmigrated as the ill 2nd Prince (BL) by Airrabacs14

Kenta Bernard, a seventeen-year-old, died of leukemia in the hospital and was transmigrated in a novel that he has yet to finish. He is the ill second prince, who should have died by now. However, the God of Light bestowed upon him a light magic that enabled him to survive and begin a new, happier life.

Femdom malesub oneshots by Bloodlust480

its all in the title babes 😋

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Slide 1 of 20

Chimera 🌈 [ONC 2024] cover

Rajput's (Completed ✓) cover

HELLBOUND cover

Children of the Ark ✔️ cover

Baguette Rhymes with Dead || ONC 2024 | ✔ cover

Immortal Stonekeeper cover

The Gods of Lindensea cover

Camp Antler Point cover

Wetherfall Academy cover

Wendizzy's Writer Room cover

Nightsworn | The Whispering Wall #2 cover

Little Bella cover

ဦးရဲ့မဟေသီ cover

Crimson Hunger cover

Misery County cover

How to Poison Your Husband || ONC 2024 cover

Transmigrated as the ill 2nd Prince (BL) cover

Femdom malesub oneshots cover

Chimera 🌈 [ONC 2024]

2100. A mysterious ship, nicknamed the Chimera, appears in Martian airspace. It bears the symbol of the international space agency, the BASE, but there is no record of such a vessel. Word and rumour quickly spread. BASE investigator Leanne Ziegler is sent to inspect the ship and make contact with its crew. But the Chimera seems completely deserted, other than the imperious AI caretaker, Valkyrie. Down in the fledging Nerio colony on Mars, suspicion grows. The colonists are already turning against the ways of the BASE, creating their own Martian identity. This potential security threat could prove to be the final rift between Earth and Mars. Trying to keep control of the political situation, Nerio sends a mysterious and cold liaison, Ryan, to aid Leanne. But, in ten days, Mars will turn her guns on the Chimera. Leanne and Ryan must work quickly to discover the secret of the ship - and decide whether its fate under the Martian guns is deserved. [ONC 2024 entry]