Dear Diary,
- MGA BUMASA 360
- Mga Boto 2
- Mga Parte 48
A journey through the mind of a woman with Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder and an Eating Disorder.
I have struggled with being overweight and according to doctors "morbid obese" since I could remember. I was diagnosed with Bipolar, PTSD at the age of 25. From a young age I developed a liking for food, and since it has always been my stablizer for emotions. My go to when I'm in need of love or when I'm bored.
Updated 8/11/19: At the age of 36, I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) It was noticeable, and a possible DX by the same doctors when I was 25, but they couldn't determine completely, as the DBT classes they wanted me to take then, I had no interest in whatsoever.
On a side note, I never did proceed with the Bariatric surgery. At this time, I have decided against it, and am currently trying still, on my own.
All Rights Reserved
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Magugustuhan mo rin ang
Abigail
(In editing) She's depressed. She's anorexic. She's suicidal. She's insecure. Abigail has grown up with her three brothers and James, never meeting her parents, who abandoned her at birth. Her brothers were left to take care of her and keep a roof over their heads. Everyday they struggle to take care of Abigail, while working to keep them in their home. Life for them is hard. Life for Abigail is even harder. She has a dark mind and not by choice. Somewhere along the way she's developed these feelings of loneliness and hopelessness. Everyday is a struggle for her and just getting out of bed is a success. She meets Zach, a bad boy with a bad reputation. He starts off as a tutor, just to help her out, out of pity. But eventually feelings get involved and Abigail finds herself liking a boy for the first time in her life. Things get serious and she somehow learns about his drug dealing business. Everything gets hectic and Abigail doesn't know what to do with her life anymore. Or if she even wants to live.Kumpleto
Given A Chance
I'm dying. There's a cure for this sickness. But unlike most, I don't want it. I don't need to live my life. It was not mine in the first place. I'll go down in history. Not for beating my sickness, but for letting it beat me. There are many things I regret not doing. Like not telling my crush I actually liked him. Since elementary school! Now I'm 17 and my life could be gone any second now. Or not living my life. I spent every day studying, reading, to focused on school. I have little time left. I won't spend it in a hospital bed. That's for sure.Kumpleto
Not me. (2023)
so, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been so exhausted. I'm not better, I'm not sure if i ever will be, but I'm not numb, not entirely. I can't say how I'm feeling, or what i am going to write, but if you want it, it's here. This is for you. For everyone who was made to be the villain by those meant to be by their sides. For everyone with a sensitive heart made to grow strong much too quickly. For everyone who struggles to get out of bed in the morning. For everyone who never could find the words to say why. For everyone who struggles to feel and for everyone who feels too much. For everyone who had to pick themselves back up. For everyone who had to parent themselves. For everyone fighting an invisible battle. For everyone who has been underestimated. For everyone who has to flee to other worlds to cope. For everyone who found other means to silence their voices. For everyone who was silenced. For everyone who was over powered. For everyone who was made to be less. For everyone who had to watch someone else suffer and stay silent. For everyone asking themselves, why? Why would you do this? What did I do? Why is this happening to me? It was never your fault.Kumpleto
Look What You Made Me Do
"Don't tell anybody about this." "If you just ignore it, it'll stop." "There's nothing I can do to help you." And so I did everything I was told. I shut up. I put on a brave face. I followed all the rules. But that was the past and it's not who I am anymore. I will be loud. I will be angry. I will tell the truth. Look what you've done. You gave me a story to tell. ----------------- Unfortunately, a true story. DISCLAIMER: This is my side of the story and, with the exception of a few voicemails/text messages/statements from friends, it all comes straight from my memory. As is the case with most PTSD brains, my memory isn't very good so I can't 100% confirm the accuracy of anything, but it is written almost exactly as I remember it. If anyone reading this happens to know something I don't, feel free to let me know. ----------------- Thank you for reading. ----------------- Dedicated to Sketch, and Toto, and Dr. Worm, and Mia, and anyone else (real or imaginary) that I loved, but they hated.Kumpleto
Black & White
A story, in which a typical teenage girl falls for the school's bad boy. Except, she's not that typical and he's not that much of a bad boy. *** "If I told you that I care about you, more than anyone in your life does, would you believe me?" He asked me, his jaw clenched. I could tell he was furious. Yet somehow, I wasn't scared of him. "No" I shook my head bravely. "If I told you,'' He tried again, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before continuing.''That you make me so fucking mad, I want to punch a fucking wall. What would you say?" He had me trapped now, my back painfully colliding with the wall behind me. I gasped at the impact, looking up into his icy grey eyes. They were cold, emotionless. As always. "Do it!" I dared him with the last ounce of courage I had left in me. The sound of his fist smashing through the wall right next to my head, made my ears ring for a brief moment. I opened my mouth to speak again, shaking slightly, only for him to pull away and leave me standing there alone. ____ !!Warning!! This story contains strong language, mature scenes, alcohol and drug consumption, and sensitive topics like - eating disorders, bullying, mental health, etc. ___ HIGHEST RANKINGS: 1st in #ed, 1st in #badboysgirl, 8th in #victim, 9th in #rehabilitation, 13th in #youngadultKumpleto
Trapped Souls (Inside The Minds Of The Mentally Ill)
This story is about dealing with many mental illnesses. The experiences of the mentally ill. How it feels to be in their mind, and feeling how they feel. Depression is not an act. Eating disorders aren't phases. Suicide isn't a coward's escape. Self-Harming is not a cry for attention. WARNING! This may be very triggering! Read with caution!!!! I did use a lot of quotes from online places, but a lot of it did come from my own (mentally ill) mind. I have been mentally ill for pretty much all of my life, and just started to get help, and realized that now I don't want help. This writing is for all of you that suffer from mental illnesses. I am terribly sorry if you get offended in any kind of way, again, read with caution.Kumpleto
Choices
I feel arms wrap around me, pulling me into a warm body. "No." I whisper out, I try to get away but it was no use, the arms only wrapped tighter around my waist. My body freezes when a hand comes around my throat. "I told you kitten, I love the chase." I let out a groan when he bites my ear, pulling it. "Seems like I'm not the only one." A dark chuckle leaves his lips sending shivers down my body. I hold my thighs together as much as I could. "Luca, let her get ready." I look at Nikola, Luca let's go of me with a groan and I go to walk away from him. "You could always skip therapy and I could give you some therapy." "Luca." x x x Welcome to the life of Jessica Winters. A woman with a sad past. She was alone growing up, then she found Janice and Ray. Owners of the diner that she works at, they treated her like their own and helped her so much. She was okay with being alone, it's what she knew. It's what she was use to, then they walked in. As soon as the five men enter her life she was starting to feel things that she never knew that she could feel. Adrianno. Nikola. Stefano. Luca. Nico. Cold-hearted. Merciless. All dangerous in their own right. They were use to passing a girl around until they were bored. Until they went to the diner and saw the girl behind the counter. They could tell she was broken, but somewhere under the wall that she had built was a light that attracted them all. Come join the journey of Jess trying to find herself. All while trying to juggle the new feelings and emotions that she's never felt before. Will she open up her heart, or will she run and never look back? This story is filled with things that might be a trigger to some people. Suicide, multiple sexual partners, bullying. Please read at your own riskKumpleto
MEMOIR OF THE SPLINTERED
"Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness that centers on the inability to manage emotions effectively. While some persons with BPD are high functioning in certain settings, their private lives may be in turmoil." ~~~ They say the term "borderline" came from a time when doctors used to believe the illness bordered between psychosis and neurosis. Now, they believe the illness should be called Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. The illness doesn't need a clear name for me to understand what it is. Because it's the nightmare I'm living every day. ~~~ [ a short story about BPD written by a human with BPD ]Kumpleto
Depressive quotes
The title says it all. *TRIGGER WARNING* Remember these are depressive quotes, so please if you get triggered easily, please just do not read. If you do, then... well... I can't really stop you... IMPORTANT: I only began all of this when I was about 12 or 13 years old, so there is a chance that there are a few mistakes here and there since I was really bad at english back then. Also these qoute books have been on hold for a while and I have only just been able to begin to get them up and running again, so please, if you find any mistakes just leave a comment real quick and I will fix it as soon as possible. thank you and I hope you enjoy - Kayden❤ *completed*Kumpleto
Tragedy ✔️
𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨: 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘴, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! Tragedy can happen to anyone, anytime and anywhere, and the saddest part about that truth is that tragedy is unavoidable. No one can prevent a natural disaster from happening. No one can prevent death from knocking on their doorstep - if it's an accident, or a sickness - it cannot be prevented, and it cannot be avoided. You never know on which day tragedy will come knocking on your front door. You never know who it would strike next - if it would be you, or someone else, or someone who is very close to you. The thing is, with tragedy, it doesn't ask questions before it strikes. It just does. River and Sophia were two people who experienced the same tragedy: loss, but their stories were very different from each other, but they shared the same pain of losing someone they loved, someone who was close to them. And now, suffering the aftermath of their tragedies - living with the guilt, the regret, and the grief of losing someone that was close to them, they have to try to overcome everything, before their tragedy ruins their lives forever. But will it bring them together or would it just be another terrible tragedy? [ word count 130K - 145K ] [ comments does contain spoilers ]Kumpleto
(In editing) She's depressed. She's anorexic. She's suicidal. She's insecure. Abigail has grown up with her three brothers and James, never meeting her parents, who abandoned her at birth. Her brothers were left to take care of her and keep a roof over their heads. Everyday they struggle to take care of Abigail, while working to keep them in their home. Life for them is hard. Life for Abigail is even harder. She has a dark mind and not by choice. Somewhere along the way she's developed these feelings of loneliness and hopelessness. Everyday is a struggle for her and just getting out of bed is a success. She meets Zach, a bad boy with a bad reputation. He starts off as a tutor, just to help her out, out of pity. But eventually feelings get involved and Abigail finds herself liking a boy for the first time in her life. Things get serious and she somehow learns about his drug dealing business. Everything gets hectic and Abigail doesn't know what to do with her life anymore. Or if she even wants to live.
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