GHOST of the PAST!

GHOST of the PAST!

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Mon, Jan 25, 2016
whenever i'm alone im my room in a silent night, all that i can hear are the cries and the sobs of my poor silent weakling heart nobody really understands me, my attitude and my situation nor on how i really felt deep inside my lonely heart that i have been carrying since the last 2 years no one really bothered all that they can say and do is to ask whenever they see a glimpse of my loneliness whenever i am alone and all through out the day, all that they can see is my cute lovely smiling face laughing and enjoying the day playing around like I don't have problems in life nobody can measure my cheerfulness in our class or on how I respond happily in front of everybody but behind those lovely cute face hides a lonely silent broken heart left by the one I love most. the past still hunts me, how could I change that? How could I? Tell me! Will anyone please tell me. I'm crying without uttering a word. im in pain. how could i not when they left me behind. Am I selfish? Did I do something that made him leave me? What have i done wrong? Do I really deserve this? He keeps on bugging me. In my dreams he appears and caresses me. I can't forget the last words he told me. "I love you! Goodbye! Please wait for me... I will come back for you!" I want to know what you mean... please let me know... I'm not capable of doing anything, I'm emotionally weak, fragile and easy to break down I'm crying silently, I want to cry out loud. I want to burst out in tears just to get these thorns stocked in my heart out. My heart is chained with thorns of pain, suffering and death. I want to unbind these chains... I want to stop this nonsense.. I'm tired of pretending that I'm happy when I'm not. I want to change, I want to become independent. I want to become stronger, will you help me? I understand if you don't. But please... please... tour me to the world of mysteries and discover new possibilities. crazy to say but i want to fall in love again~
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YuanFen

What we have is just now. As long as she loves me. As long as she wants to be with me. As long as there is 'we'. I love her! But the rainbow is not just a blend of vibrant and bright colors. It doesn't even stay for a long period of time-- just enough for us to see and in a fleet of time is gone, leaving us wondering if it's real. A rainbow doesn't have black and white. It wasn't just like that. Same as love. Same as us. There were times that i want to give her up. Not because my love did fade, rather, my love is too much. Too much that letting her go is the only option left for her to choose me without hesitation, without guilt, freed of lies. I want her to grow, to weigh things as it is. I want her to make me feel that being with me is her choice. I want her to realize that i am hers and that she have to surrender herself to me as well. I want her to love me because that is the way she feels and not because it was the safest way. Being with her is paradise. It was a mixture of colored pastel. It was too vibrant to explain. But at a sudden twist of downs and ups, we are shaking. Loving her has become my weakness. The weakening thought of losing her when I fuck up is too much to run me insane. I'm overreacting perhaps. But being with her, means walking in a narrow-road of heaven. There's no security, no assurance. One wrong move, and I'll be slipping away. Just in the never ending pain of darkness, of solitude, of self-struggle. Loving her has become my addiction. I couldn't get enough of it. But so they say, what's too much can cause harm. Maybe I'm loving her too much that she finds it hard to breathe when i'm around. But yes, it is just a wishful thinking; things that I'll surely not going to say to her because i will never ever earn the courage to say so. We are just nothing but a 'fateful coincidence.'

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