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- Parts 5
Ongoing16m
Last published Fri, Jul 19, 2013
I think the only way I can really express my feelings is through Drawing...I listen to other people's problems an give the best advice I can to them to help them...I can hear everybody else's voice but know seems to be able to hear my screams or cries through a fake smile I put on everyday...I always look so happy and laugh but all I feel is loneliness and bottled up pain...I feel so empty I don't feel connected to anyone I know...And no one seems to be able to see me slowly sink deeper and deeper into depression waiting to be swallowed up by despair and painful emotions...
whenever I start to cry I close my eyes and push them back bottling up my emotions once again pulling them down deeper as far as I can to keep from crying and put on the best smile I can around people and try my best to make them happy...why should I put my feelings on them and make them feel bad also...at least this way they get to be happy...I just wish for once someone would like to listen to what I have to say instead of me always being the one to listen to their stories and help be their shoulder to to cry on...but to do that I would have to break Down An emotional wall I've been building for years and if I do that I feel like I would crumble with them...my feelings shattering as I watch them hit the floor giving up every aspect of my life I work so hard to live with...
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"It's too much to remember everything and everyone, all pain and hurt is killing me day by day little by little. I wish I could remove all the pain and move on in my life. I wish I could find an eraser or Better a delete button, so that I could start from beginning, without any misery or pain." ......................................................................................... "Hey Eva, you know you can trust me, right? " He asked me again cupping my cheeks, I can't let him continue this. It had to stop now or it would be too late. I can't risk everyone's life specially his. If hurting him means, him being alive then I would do it without thinking. Again and again. "Eva are you even listening to me?" Noah asked moving his face closer. From this close I can even see the scar which he told me about, its just below the border line of his hair, it can be easily conceal but from this close its more real. His eyes, they are magical. I would love to look at them all the time and never get tired of looking at in them. No, I cannot do this to him, I can't be selfish, I have to do something this time. "No" I answer and walked away from him. .............................................................
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