How to Open the Goddamn Door, Satanist Style - Kelsinka - Wattpad

Story cover for How to Open the Goddamn Door, Satanist Style by MansonMyMan

How to Open the Goddamn Door, Satanist Style

Reads 5,909
Votes 445
Parts 29
Time <5 mins

Reads 5,909
Votes 445
Parts 29
Time <5 mins

crude fun goth gothic humor murder random sarcasm satanism

Do the pesky door-to-door salesmen always end up ruining your precious ritual to summon the dark lord? 

Are you sick of explaining your black clothes and pentagrams on the walls to unwelcome neighbors? 

Don't worry, for here are a few tips for handling these situations!

[Just for fun, if you're easily offended - gtfo pls :) ]All Rights Reserved

crude fun goth gothic humor murder random sarcasm satanism

29 parts

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6th June by MakeMeBeArsedForOnce

Have you watched horror movies? Movies that can send shivers down your spine? Have you ever seen so much blood in one room? When coming from a body or two? Have you ever been paranoid before? Paranoid of someone following or watching you? Have you ever been trapped? Trapped filled with horror and creepiness that can't be explained? Will it be explained? Is there a way to explain it? ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ Five years ago, there was a case of two murders that changed the way of living forever. People were not allowed to leave their homes on that day, that one day and possibly the day after. Yet, people still did. In the present, the killer has got its way into a public high school. Will the students survive? Will anyone survive? Dive into the horror of what comes from one serial killer as you read to find out what actually happen. How twisted and crazy it can get. Will your worst nightmares be in there? Will your paranoia set off? Read on to see what happens. ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ There are not many chapters in this as I thought there would be. But if you like these kind of stories then comment. If you like other stories I post, comment on those. ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ Cover image: 6th June stock illustrations - 244 6th June stock illustrations, Vectors & Clipart (no date) Dreamstime. Available at: https://www.dreamstime.com/illustration/6th-june.html (Accessed: December 22, 2022). (I edited the image)

FEISTY BeasT by user316714523267

I aburtly stand from my bed when I heard my apartment door opening with a 'THUD' sound.I quickly run to the front room only to see a guy sucking a blonde gals face, so because I'm such a jerk I cross my arms on my chest leaning on the doorframe of my room while the mystery guy take the girl to the sofa reaching her dress zip at the back. Now my beautiful night eyes won't like to see naked body of my own sex but I wouldn't mind seeing naked...ugh get a grip jer "sorry to interrupt your beautiful lusting moment but WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY F.U.C.K.I.N.G APARTMENT?!?!" They both jumped from their seat and I get to see their faces the girl is familiar and the bo__what the hell??? And the mystery guy just smirk at me.. WHEN YOU SUDDENLY happen to see your father made suicide, your world will completely shatter, he was your only family. But then you have incredible friends as family to let you go through it, and much more, life has different twist for u. Get to see what your fate wrote... *********##########********* Guyz bitch is back enjoy my book and do give it a try please...and I'm sure u will like it!! Update every SSunday WARNING- I suck at description

Learning to be a Vampire by ImaTwinSoLoveMe

"Fernanda, I'm serious!" Mother yelled again. "It isn't some nasty old hag! Come and see!" "I'm coming, hold on a second!" Fern yelled back, stumbling over the used towels as she exits the bathroom. "Um, Ma? Where are you?" Suddenly Ferns dark grey bedroom curtains open to reveal a very excited looking mother. This can't be good. Nothing good ever happens when someone appears from behind curtains. "Mother, I don't think I want to go--hey!" Fern pretested but was cut off by her mother pulling her into the curtains. But oh man, mother was right. It most certainly was not an old hag. The exact opposite really. Standing outside, across the road at the newly bought house was one attractive man, minus a shirt and add some sexy muscles covered in sweat from hauling furniture and that equals one drooling girl and a perverted mother for checking the man out.

Brotherhood. by Hstowe

Their father was an abusive man who went out each night to get drunk, and their mother was an angel sent directly from Heaven to protect them. It all changed the moment their youngest brother was brought into the world, removing their mother completely from it. You would think, life couldn't get any worse.. I mean, you already have five younger brothers who most of the time don't get along with each other, and a father who will beat you just for breathing. Well... we thought it couldn't get much worse, until our youngest pulled a knife on our father to protect one of us.. We're six brothers, who never get along, but will protect each other no matter the consequences. Even when our old man shows up at the front door after being released from prison.

The Book of Rants, Cliches, and More by ayden3937

It's like a bunch of Public Service Announcements, from me to you. Bear with me and buckle up. It's going to be a bumpy ride. Completed Sept. 14, 2019. ** I wrote this when I was younger, so sorry about that.

I'm Here to Help You (Darkiplier x Reader) by the_bluepencil

{COMPLETED} This is my first story, so only constructive criticism, please. Also, there's no smut. Sorry not sorry. I ain't writing that shit. Also also, there's probably gonna be some gore, but that's to be expected. I'll keep the character pretty gender neutral, but I'm personally a demigirl so forgive me if the character seems a bit feminine at times. ◊◊◊ You're a pretty average person. Your parents are divorced, but that's not really unique. You're kinda pessimistic, some venture to call you "depressed" or "emo", but everybody goes through that phase. ◊◊◊ "Can't you just leave me alone for one night?" I snap. His laughs only fuel my rage. "I'm here to help you - Can't you see that?" he soothes. I just glare at him. "Yeah, making me kill a guy and driving me insane is real 'helpful'. Thanks." The demon shakes his head. "You don't understand, yet. I'm freeing you from the prison that is your conscience." "No, thanks. I like not being a sociopath." "Do you?"

Aw Hell Nah! by Sunglyn_428

" AURA, I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR THE POOR WINDOW. I DID NOT WANT TO BREAK IT BUT I JUST WANTED YOUR ATTENTION BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO ANNOYING!!" Suddenly I heard my neighbors shouting like angry mobs. " WE ARE SLEEPING YOU CRAZY YOUNG TEENAGE BOY WHO IS TRYING TO GET A GIRL! GO AWAY FROM THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!" " I DID NOT MEAN TO WAKE YOU ALL UP. I AM DEEPLY SORRY!" I can't stand the shouting no more. So I went down, opened the door and said, " Get it Van.." " OK AURA!"

Black Moon by DMC2399

I gripped the pan and smacked the figure twice on the head when I saw the shadow. "Ow why are you doing that?!" I heard him groan. For good measure I smacked him two more times. " Am I supposed to just let an intruder wander through my house?" I huff. " That's fair" he lets out a laugh. The longer I stared at him the more I realized he wasn't human, more like a shadow. "What do you want?" I asked. I don't know why I was making conversation and not telling him to get out. "Oh yes okay, the blows to the head threw me off" he laughed. "I'm here to collect your soul" he smiles. "I'm not dead" I inform him. He comes close and I move back, "oh sorry this must be weird let me change into a form better suited for this plane". In minutes he was a tall pale man with black hair and red eyes. "What do you think?" He gives me a twirl.

F*** Cancer, This One Did Us All In. by IgnotusCapillary

There's not a lot that can freak me out in this world. Only large animals with sharp claws, too many people touching me, bullies, hives, horror movies, sitting underneath fans or lights or anything that dangles from a ceiling, glass or wooden bridges, my mother, mosquitoes, public situations, taking a shower with nobody in the house, taking a shower with too many people in the house and crocks. Oh, and zombies. Zombies is definitely on that list. It's almost a shame too, that I have to race through a city packed full of them to find my missing family. Packed full of zombies, by the way, not crocks. (Although I don't know which situation is worse.) Now I have to not only keep my feeble body alive, but also protect (or be protected by) my two best friends in the entire world as we all try to survive in a city packed with the Dead.

Ghostly. by GerardsFlower

Alicia and Chloe were two best friends with a weird past. Two seventeen year olds kicking a soccer ball around. As happy as they could be. The silence had killed them, almost literally. Standing opposite street ends and facing towards they froze immediately. Their trapped screams weren't heard by anyone as they were dragged out of their home. They awoke on a large beach, just the two of them. At least that's what they thought until they realised they weren't alone. Finding yourself standing above two familiar looking bodies isn't easy. Especially when those bodies are yours. Apart of the after life, these two girls roam. Earth has changed. Monsters lurking in dark alley ways and killers at every street. Vampires as friends? Good idea or not? They're whole world is gone and the last thing they can do is find out who killed them and why. Being a ghost is interesting but man, being immortal is complicated.

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Slide 1 of 10

FEISTY BeasT cover

Learning to be a Vampire cover

Brotherhood. cover

The Book of Rants, Cliches, and More cover

I'm Here to Help You (Darkiplier x Reader) cover

Aw Hell Nah! cover

Black Moon cover

F*** Cancer, This One Did Us All In. cover

6th June

Have you watched horror movies? Movies that can send shivers down your spine? Have you ever seen so much blood in one room? When coming from a body or two? Have you ever been paranoid before? Paranoid of someone following or watching you? Have you ever been trapped? Trapped filled with horror and creepiness that can't be explained? Will it be explained? Is there a way to explain it? ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ Five years ago, there was a case of two murders that changed the way of living forever. People were not allowed to leave their homes on that day, that one day and possibly the day after. Yet, people still did. In the present, the killer has got its way into a public high school. Will the students survive? Will anyone survive? Dive into the horror of what comes from one serial killer as you read to find out what actually happen. How twisted and crazy it can get. Will your worst nightmares be in there? Will your paranoia set off? Read on to see what happens. ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ There are not many chapters in this as I thought there would be. But if you like these kind of stories then comment. If you like other stories I post, comment on those. ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ Cover image: 6th June stock illustrations - 244 6th June stock illustrations, Vectors & Clipart (no date) Dreamstime. Available at: https://www.dreamstime.com/illustration/6th-june.html (Accessed: December 22, 2022). (I edited the image)