5 Years Later :: hemmings

April 28th, 2015. The day I told you I loved you. The day you left me out in the cold.

I never forgot about you. I never forgot about how much you loved to bake or how you'd play your guitar if you were sad. I never forgot about the endless laughs we had or snuggles on a rainy day. I never forgot how you'd invite you buddies over and we'd all cause trouble in the dead of the night. I still sometimes feel the ghost of your finger on my sides. I remember the smell of your bed like the laundry soap your mum used and I still tear my heart in half thinking back to the nights you'd hold me so tight I thought you were going to break my ribs. And I hear your laugh every once in awhile. I still look back at the pictures on my wall from when we were young and crazy for each other. And every time I look back I always end up crying for you and wondering if you do the same for me. I sit there for endless hours and think about us and what we had. I wonder how you're doing, for real. I wonder if all the smiles you pose for in pictures are real or if there fake. I wonder if every time you come across something of mine in your room, if it tears you apart like it does for me.

And every night I sit there and tell myself that I'm not in love with you, that I just miss you. But 5 years later here I am, still madly and deeply in love with you.