Mind Over Matter
- Reads 41
- Votes 6
- Parts 1
MatureOngoing<5 mins
Last published Sun, Dec 27, 2015
"Why are you acting like this?"
"Acting like what? I'm living."
"By ruining everyone else's life in the mean time. Do I even mean a damn thing to you anymore?" His voice is like sandpaper, scratching across the deepest part of my soul, but he's partially right.
I don't care.
I haven't cared in a long time.
I just don't understand why he can never take a hint . . . Is it really that hard?
I shift my weight from my left side to the right, my arms are crossed defensively over my abdomen as I try and take in all that's been said before hand. Not to mention, I need to learn how to explain things better . . .Right?
Obviously I am not doing such an amazing job at that one, either.
"I haven't ruined anyone's life, Adam. I'm finally realizing who I am . . . And I love it. I wish you could be the same." I say, finally loosening my posture up.
"Right. I'm not anyone--Because I don't matter. Because our future doesn't mean shit to you."
"I wish you the best, Adam. I really do, but I don't think we have a future anymore."
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I will write my future story in bilingual. I want to force myself to be the person I like. I don't care if other people like me, I just care if they like me. After days of hesitation, I finally settled on the name, and I sat on the toilet thinking about the script God had sent me... I can't wait to read the script God sends me and I can't wait to finish it. After writing it, the English audio reading was wonderful. I burst into tears as I listened, and burst into tears as I finished writing. This is very interesting. I always touch myself again and again, always write dreams in my dreams. Whose life is not a dream? I am an affectionate and tragic person, and I love this world deeply. Love so deeply, so seriously. God often gives me so much information that my brain feels like it's going to explode and I'm going crazy. I can understand what Vincent van Gogh was doing in the wheat field. When you see everything in the world, dear, you don't care about anything anymore. You only live for your own happiness. People start to distance themselves from you and you become more and more lonely. God, I ask you again and again, why am I stuck in the desert? I want you to answer me, once is not enough, ten times is not enough, a hundred times is not enough, a thousand times is not enough, ten thousand times is not enough! 2025/1/5
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