Whisper To Me
  • Reads 2,765
  • Votes 149
  • Parts 35
  • Time 4h 54m
  • Reads 2,765
  • Votes 149
  • Parts 35
  • Time 4h 54m
Complete, First published May 13, 2013
I don't know how it happened, I don't know where it began and I don't know when it ends.

We met on an app, we were never meant to be such close friends, but we were, maybe even more.
We grew close, yet we were strangers at the same time. 
You were my shoulder to cry on even though you were rarely there physically.
I told you my secrets, but I was so caught up in the thought of finally having someone there for me that I never realized the fact that you never told me yours. 
When we first met we were inseparable. We weren't meant to be more than just acquaintances, but somehow, we grew closer and I got attached. 
I tried to stay away, I tried to keep my distance, but I was clouded by the fact that I wanted- needed a friend. 
The walls I spent so long building up, you knocked them down so easily, that it looked almost effortless. 
I fooled myself into thinking that you would always be there, that you were different from everyone else, that you wouldn't leave like them, that you wouldn't drop me like I was nothing. 
Foolish girl.
We grew closer, I got attached and somewhere along the way, I fell in love. You never loved me the way you loved her, did you? 
Was I just a broken toy you wished to fix? Did you pity me, the lonely girl that barely survived the world? 
Why did you leave? I wake up one morning and you're gone. Gone from my life, from my mind, from my memory. 
Please tell me why. 
Why was this our falling out? 
Please tell me.
What was it, the words you continue to whisper to me before I close my eyes?
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This is my truth

72 parts Ongoing

My life has been an intense journey from a little girl who was beaten down and abused into believing that she was worthless, to a woman at 43 years of age who is still desperately searching for who she truly is. I found her though. I did. And she writes like me, from inside of me. She is me. This girl that I've been in love with since time first existed, is indeed me. The way that she walks. With her hands... and how she talks? The hearts that she's captured, the souls that she has inspired. I'm now trying to be her. I've never felt that I was good enough to actually be myself!!! I always knew how pure and clear and free I was inside. But people told me otherwise, in a very cruel way. No one ever spared my feelings or thought to speak to me with kindness or love. My parents were very serious and strict people. They believed that there was only 1 way to act and inside I knew that I did NOT fit in the parameters of the behavior expected of me. And every single time I made my Step Daddy sigh or frown it felt like I knife in my heart. I was a let down. Always too loud. Always moving too much. Always too fat and always too ugly. Always too much. Unless I sat quietly. But I've always been a firecracker and all of that containment really made me want to blow off! All of what was inside of me, swirling and dividing in me. Burying the side of me that I loved the most! I was a bastard and a blasphemy. Harsh words for a girl of 3. They said them when they baptized me.