Dear Diary

Our diaries have gotten on the internet

(It wasn't a diary)

and our story is out there.

( good, maybe people will learn something)

So I'm an expert in everything pop culture and modern by observing from afar.

( I am an expert in not being an imbecile and having a more refined taste in everything.)

So I have to teach him something about the world as it is right now.

( and I teach her how the world could be if people weren't morons)

This is purely comical and not intended to be offensive nor judgmental (mostly) if you like to get offended by other people's opinions and throw a big tantrum because it doesn't fit into your boring, cookie cutter view on life, then just don't read it.