Karmic Deal

Karmic Deal

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WpMetadataReadMatureOngoing<5 mins
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Fri, Jan 1, 2016
I never thought it could be so dark. Deep abyss of uncomfortable heat - sweat - smell, is this it? For how long? Where is everyone? When I made this wish, I had no idea it would be so dark.... so lonely. Visions of chaotic monsters with wailing swords, so heroic, riding on dragons slaying their opponents to win the highest seat to Ego. Amulets, swords, potions of power where are they now? Can they really help me here, or does the dark eyes in the corner have the answers. Tangled roots of desire and greed cover the ground, thoughts of my life rattle in my mind. Tugging and tearing to move, what a web of karma. Did I create all this? "Yes!" Came from the dark eyes as I drew near. "How do I rid of such negative seeds, how do I create light?" "Killing, cheating, robbing and stealing, lack of wisdom and sincerity will dissolve these deep roots, my child," the voice in my heart. "Only you can change this." All I wanted was the pain to stop but it has grown so massive, like a cancer. Does he want my soul? I promise to never utter words of hate in my heart, be loyal to my body, be generous, sane and sound, and above all, speak the truth to all inside and out. With this solemn promise I will endure every event with peace and harmony, with an open heart and wisdom in my mind. I promise to soar in my passion for life and know that it is a gift to be a part of a great plan. I promise to above all, always follow my heart as it will guide me like a beacon in the night. "Do you think it is just that easy? Repent and you get to escape the fleshy desire I have for you, to devour your body in orgasmic ecstasy? To penetrate your essence with my desirable juices of passion, lust and need?", as the dark eyes drew nearer. As fear began to overtake my body, I was in that moment I choose to feel love and compassion, choose to know my body was not Me, and feel Love from my Heart for this lost soul. The smell, taste and touch of darkness was transformed. Brilliant warmth, Profound.
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Release

This is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxiety, sadnesses, anger, and hopelessness. I was desperate to be loved and feared it the most, I was a coward, I was self-destructive, I would mentally bend my thoughts to the point of bordering insanity. I was born into this world alone, and got too comfortable with it. Maybe I still am, but a fraction of what I used to be. This writing is extremely vulnerable, and potentially disturbing to others, as all my weaknesses, strengths, obsessions with making every moment sentimental, the sickening desperation I've had, the destructiveness, and the constant brutal reconstruction of my mind. Without guidance, it's been absolute intense chaos. Though, there is beauty in the darkness. Everything can be found in the darkness. You'll find that through my writing, I've somehow slowly become exactly what I've written. A living representation of my writing and what I wanted to be. Without myself even knowing it. A lot of my writing themes are based around nature, or some kind of natural aspect. The imagery I paint with natural metaphors is constant, the animals, just like you and I, the plants, and all other living things. I planted these seeds in my mind, unknowingly at the time, where I now feel the deep dark green jungle pressing at the inner walls of my skull. It's all that I want to consume my mind. There's so much to learn. The magic of nature, and it's infinite wisdom. It's as if I have been on this path all along, and I didn't even know what I was doing, yet my body and mind were passively taking care of me. Giving me and eventually showing exactly what I want, and wanted to become. I have every moment, every instance of suffering, and every epiphany to be thankful for. Soon, I'll be at peace from the raging storm.

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