If only... Near short story (Death Note Fanfic)

My restless mind doesn't stop to think about things before suggesting them to me, pushing my hopes up. I often have debates with myself inside my head. Good thing nobody else hears it though, otherwise I'm certain I'd get some weird stares.

My mind continues to argue with me, but really, I'm just arguing with myself.

Maybe he likes you.

He doesn't.

What about the kiss?

A dare, nothing more.

You love him.

Sure I do, but why would he love someone like me?

Do I love him? That's a good question... Wait, why am I even thinking about this stuff? This is just me talking to myself, just me shooting possibilities out there, hopes and dreams that most certainly won't come true. I have sanity to realize this, but unfortunately, the other side of me thinks otherwise.

You liked kissing him.

STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!! My heart races just at the thought. I did like kissing him. But it was only a dare. Stop reminding me about it, for god's sake!

Maybe he liked it too.

Probably not.

Maybe he's thinking about you right now, as you are him.

Ha! If only!

Those last words echo in my mind. If only... If only he felt the same. Maybe he does, but I'm not about to bet my money on it. Probably not. Who would love me?

If only... he did.