Car Crash Hearts

I held to the receiver like it was my life line as the tears spilled over. "Good-bye Nate, I love you." I sobbed to the dial tone. I sunk to my knees unable to hold myself up any longer, "I won't hate you." I promised defying what he asked of me.
"It's okay to hate me you know; actually it would probably be best." His last parting words finally making sense.
I cried like I never have before, for my mum, my dad, and mostly my brother. I cried like I was at a funeral morning the loss of my family. No they weren't dead, but that didn't help the shuddering of my breath or the thumping of my heart. It would be easier if they had died, then I wouldn't have to know that one day I might pass them on a nameless street, see their faces again and know what I missed out on.
They may not have wanted me, but even as hard as they tried they loved me too. I bring my knees to my chest and wonder if my mum cried when they were taking her stuff away; when she was leaving me. I wonder if my dad had to think about going with her, and I wonder why my brother never told me.