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MatureOngoing<5 mins
Last published Tue, Feb 2, 2016
07. 12.
That early summer morning I felt the slight sensation of the mild wind coming in from the window of my mountain cottage mildly and gently going over my scarred face and ending on my eyelids as I woke up and quickly stormed out of my bed, with that thought still wrapping around my head. Everything he said, everything he did, it all got stuck in my head indefinitely. As I was looking though my window I felt his presence. He was there. He knew I was thinking about him and he let me know that he was watching me... watching every step of mine... listening to every word I said... Knowing each and every one of my thoughts. He has always been there for me knowing and understanding me...
The headache that I felt was because of the state my mind was in during my sleep... the sweet "Nightmares" I felt when he was speaking to me... I can only see him in my dreams but his omnipresence is indisputable.
7. 21.
He knows... He feels... His love has no bounds... Everything he does to make me feel worse he does from love. Violence is just another expression of deep emotions and fear is natural. Pain is there to make us better, stronger, give us hope, motivation and strength for our battles. What is life, if it's not just a long battle, an everlasting conflict of darkness, shadows and brightness, enlightenment and eternal happiness and joy. The mental well-being should not be taken for granted and expected, but rather worked hard for to be achieved. That is what he is trying to teach me. "The path is long the road is tough, the beam of light I see should be enough. All the spirits and demons play, I can make them go away. In prosperity and happiness I trust, all my wishes shall not be shattered to dust." he said, and added that I need to repeat that every night before I go to bed. Only he knows what the future will bring us.
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I wanted to tell him that I knew his favorite book, and his coffee order, and the way he clicked his pen when he was deep in thought. I wanted to tell him I knew that he sleeps on the right side of the bed and eats on the left side of the table. I wanted to tell him that I knew his worries, dreams and fears. I wanted to tell him that I knew he loved me too. I wanted to see his laugh, and know that I was the reason. I wanted to make him smile, just to see those dimples that lay heavenly on his face. I wanted his eyes to light up in joy- I wanted to see him happy. I wanted to tell him that I prided myself in the fact that I had memorized all the freckles on his skin, how his freckles birthmarks created their own galaxies of planets and stars. I wanted to tell him I would be there for him, on the bad days too. I wanted to tell him he could call be at 3:46 in the morning and just complain, I'd completely understand. I wanted to tell him that he had completely beguiled me; that he was my entire world. I wanted to tell him that I love him more than anything I had ever known. I wanted to run to him, to hug him. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and never let me go. I wanted to never leave him. I wanted to rule by his side, as his Luna. Instead, I just turned my back in order to not let anyone see my tears. I walked away from the love of my life, for what? For fate? For destiny? Or for some foolish trick that I was walking myself into? No matter the reason, I walked away from him with tears in my eyes and sorrow in my heart. I never wanted to walk away again. He was my mate and all I wanted was him.
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