At The Beep.

"The only reason you humans are being entrusted with this task is your general lack of comprehensive ability."

"Excuse me?"

"See what I mean?"

When Milo (the writer) picks up the phone, he doesn't expect a telemarketer for warlocks to start spitting sick rhymes about gem elixirs.

When Milo (the architect) answers a call, he doesn't expect a wand-filing service to yell loud enough to cause static and temporarily deafen him.

When Milo (the confused college-goer) says hello, he's praying to gods he doesn't believe in that a wizard café replies instead of his beast of a stepmother.

Embarking on a quest communicated entirely through phone calls and the occasional teleportation trick, Milo, Milo, and Milo must battle the largest running underground scam of all time and prevent a potential witch infestation from taking over planet Earth.

All with the help of a cryptic elf, of course.

ALTERNATIVELY TITLED: The Retelling of Operation C.E.S.S {Covertly Exterminating Sorcerous Sellers}