V.A.P.I's Brief Pleasure (boyxboy)
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Hello dear friends. I'm Doctor Josef R. Daneeka, inventor of the Lips, Nips and Hips line of cosmetics and the Warsaw Skin-E diet pill, world renowned surgeon, generous lover of my wife, and friendly neighbor.
This screed, this angry little book of lies, exists solely to discredit me, my family and my work. I have no doubt that my corporate enemies (Procter & Gamble, I'm looking at you) are behind this propaganda. I tell you now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury: I have never spliced human DNA with extraterrestrial DNA; I have never manufactured human clones; I am not an opiate addict, and I most certainly do not keep my wife locked up in my cellar with a rhesus monkey.
The (most likely invented) teenager protagonist herein, is a thief and a con artist who will play upon your sympathies in order to manipulate you. Moreover, his tale is nothing more than seedy, smut. While I, like any good citizen, cherish my gay comrades, the deviant author of this work wants to infest your children's minds with his debaucherous story of teenaged gay sex and drug abuse. Abstinence, dear friends, is all that I preach. Abstinence, and a deep love for God.
Please, friends, avert your eyes.
Oh, and for you ladies out there. Can't seem to get rid of those pesky zits? Fear not. Krazy Koncealer can blitz those zits, lickety-split. Permanently! Available at any pharmacy near you!
Fantabulous cover art by : @Ferret-bird
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***Ranked #4 in Non-fiction - "It's a thing of beautiful nonsense to be young." ***Featured original non-fiction for Pivot TV's Secret Lives of Americans. I Drew a Monkey in a Math Book and Now I'm Married is the true story of how I met my wife Jennie and our awkward teenage romance that followed. The book began as little more than a simple blog post about what it is like being married at the age of 18 and life 10 years later. As I began to catalog more and more of our story, I realized that what I had written was far more than just a blog post. It was a full chronicle of the the year leading up to when we were married and the precious memories that serve as the genesis of our family's story. In the end, it was a poor man's gift to his wife on the morning of their tenth anniversary, dedicated to her and shared with anyone wishing to experience a true teenage romance. I Drew a Monkey in a Math Book and Now I'm Married includes our personal coming of age story between two lovers on the in the twilight of childhood and adult life. You'll see our real life twists of fate, pitfalls and triumphs together, what we learned along the way, and the anecdotes of the misadventures of youth, including, but not limited to a touch of vandalism and the rewards that come with taking risks. I hope you enjoy the first few pages of our Book of Love. Some of it is transcendental. Some of it's just really dumb.
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